With Blossom!

Whether Maria Bamford truly suffered a nervous breakdown and went to live with her parents in Duluth, Minn., in 2006, I'm not sure. All I know is that the comedienne created an online video series that, if real, is amazing, and if a gag, is equally amazing.

Just watch the first episode and see if you aren't hooked. I believe the videos have been taken down from the original Web site, but you can find them all on YouTube. Just go in order.

Mmmm. This means war.

It started at my college newspaper, when I convinced the paper's adviser to let me buy coffee, sugar, creamer and coffee cups on his P-card. We'd make pot after pot when we were staying up late to write that feature story or column that was due two days before. Hopefully we'd remember to turn the maker off after 12 or so hours.

At my first job in Texas, I joined the ranks of old-timers who guzzled coffee throughout the day. We'd all take turns buying Folgers or something to keep the newsroom stocked. This worked well for the first year and a half I was there, and then the buyouts began. Bye bye, old-timers -- those men and women hovering around 60 who were walking ashtrays, sometime came to work drunk and would loudly detail their conspiracy theories about how their kids were trying to kill them. You know, journalists. With them gone, I was the only one who drank coffee, and I eventually just brought it from home.

Now in Alabama, making coffee in the newsroom can easily start a war. It's not that no one wants it; most actually do. It's about how you make it. The company provides the coffee, which is actually a pretty good arabica, and we put the individual packets in the filter of the industrial coffee maker, which has three plates. The maker brews a full pot, though, and some of us are smart enough to know that one packet of coffee is not enough for an entire pot. One packet makes coffee-flavored water, which I will sooner pour down the sink than down my throat. So some of us use two packets. This causes problems with those who prefer the blasphemous brew. "It tastes like something I should be drinking out of a tin cup by a campfire." No, it doesn't. It takes like strong coffee, which is really a redundancy because coffee, when it's really coffee, is always strong, but I digress. I actually brought in a coffee measure to see how much coffee was in each bag in relation to most coffeemaker's recommendation of 2 tablespoons of grounds per 6 fluid ounces of water (it's not listed on the packet). For a full pot on our machine, we actually need about a packet and a half, thus proving our point. The coffee the haters put in the maker at work is less than the coffee they would put in a maker at home. They know nothing.

The wars rage on, with each day Jay and I -- the deskers who spearhead the Get Coffee Right campaign -- asking each other if a pot of good coffee has been made, what color handle is the pot it's in, etc. We always have to ask because we don't want to mistakenly grab the sacrilegious fluid.

I don't care if it's a recession and we should be more conservative. I just can't sacrifice my values.

I will survive

So, I just ordered Proactiv because, darnit, those commercials are convincing. I developed adult acne somehow and figured I'd give it a shot. In my starter package, amongst the products and brochures, I got a letter from Vanessa Williams. It's true! It ends with a copy of her signature, but what caught my eye is what comes after her name. Look:


Acne survivor. Survivor? You can survive acne like you can survive cancer? Really? I appreciate the skincare products, but that's just ridiculous.

Mmmm, smooth texture.

I'll be at the South by Southwest festival in Austin next week, mainly hanging out with my brother and Pajiba people, all of whom are older. I'll be the only rep from the under-25 club, and one of the few from the under-30. I've been brainstorming appropriate conversation topics. Observe:

Me: I'll start practicing mature questions to ask. "Man, this mortgage meltdown is a nightmare, isn't it?" "How is your child doing?"
Daniel: hahahaha
Me: "I have $100 in my checking account. That probably isn't very responsible of me, is it?"
Daniel: "That Mai Lai massacre was some crazy shit, huh?"
Me: hahaha
"Which type of Metamucil do you recommend?"
Daniel: hehe
"Those Smothers Brothers are a gas!"

Things I did at work this week

• Drank a lot of coffee.
• Walked around barefoot.
• Propped by bare feet up on my desk.
• Read part of "Watchmen."
• Looked up rental houses on Google Maps.
• Contemplated buying a swing set for my new backyard.
• Contemplated even harder about building an obstacle course for Bama in my new backyard.
• Got mad at budget meetings, more than once, and used the phrase "That's it, I stop caring" more than once.
• Pouted, more than once.
• Read random stories online, some good, some bad. This one drove me crazy.
• Took long dinner breaks.
• Wondered out loud whether I would be laid off anytime soon, and then told an older coworker he deserves to get canned before I do.
• Made disparaging comments about Rush Limbaugh and the local readers who support him.
• Tried to update a tennis article with information from a baseball game.
• Ate EasyMac at my desk.
  
• Wrote this blog entry.

Shiny Happy People

These new mailers from Old Navy freak me the crap out. Was it too hard to get the normal waifish models? At least they're human.

Memories

Daniel: plus eugene freaking howland (a former youth minister) commented on my status
that's like getting a message from 1996
me: wow weird
:)
Daniel: yes
Daniel: yeah
freaking eug!
EUG
me: hehe
Daniel: YOUUUJJ
man
that takes me back
me: me too
to mossimo t-shirts and dc talk's "jesus freak"
Daniel: haha
wow
there it is
man dc talk sucks
me: psssh
if by sucks you mean rocks
Daniel: if by rocks you mean ironically fun but still embarrassing and bad
me: if by sucks you mean they suck all of the lameness out of the room and fill it with coolness
Daniel: if by lameness you mean talent and by coolness you mean clumsy "christian rap"
me: hey
what happens if i stumble?
what if i fall?
Daniel: you would lose your step, sarah
and make fools of us ALL
me: i just hope your love still continues when my walk becomes a crawl
[could do this all day]
Daniel: [knows it]

I freaking love the 90s.

I've started making a giant 90s music playlist because, let's face it, 90s music is awesome. I can't get over it, no matter how sappy or stupid or eight-grader-ish it is. I love it all. These songs are all mixed together on the list, and it's still a work in progress, but I've divided them up here by how I think my brother would classify them, just for kicks.

And what's that to the right? A screenshot from Meatloaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" music video? You bet your butt! In case you've forgotten the awesomeness that is this video, here it is.


Good Stuff
"Brick," Ben Folds Five
"Glycerine," Bush
"She Said," Collective Soul
"Mr. Jones," Counting Crows
"Breakfast at Tiffany's," Deep Blue Something
"Shimmer," Fuel
"Till I Hear it From You," Gin Blossoms
"Name," Goo Goo Dolls
"Basket Case," Green Day
"Only Wanna Be With You," Hootie and the Blowfish
"Stay," Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories
"Push," Matchbox 20
"Smells Like Teen Spirit," Nirvana
"Better Man," Pearl Jam
"Everybody Hurts," R.E.M.
"High and Dry," Radiohead
"1979," Smashing Pumpkins
"Motorcycle Drive By," Third Eye Blind
"If You Could Only See," Tonic
"Fast Car," Tracy Chapman
"With Or Without You," U2
"The Freshman," The Verve Pipe
"One Headlight," The Wallflowers
"Buddy Holly," Weezer

Acceptable, but not on my playlist
"Ironic," Alanis Morissette
'Why," Annie Lennox
"More Than Words," Extreme
"I Can't Dance," Genesis
"Laid," James
"Foolish Games," Jewel
"Are You Gonna Go My Way?" Lenny Kravitz
"Lightning Crashes," Live
"Sex and Candy," Marcy Playground
"Come to My Window," Melissa Etheridge
"Torn," Natalie Imbruglia
"Don't Speak," No Doubt
"I'm Gonna Be," The Procalimers
"Shiny Happy People," R.E.M. and the B-52s
"All I Wanna Do," Sheryl Crow
"All For You," Sister Hazel
"Tom's Diner," Suzanne Vega
"Bittersweet Symphony," The Verve
"More Than This," 10,000 Maniacs
"Something to Talk About," Bonnie Raitt

I disown you
"The Sign," Ace of Base
"Galileo," Amy Grant
"Oops! I Did it Again," Britney Spears
"Everything I Do (I Do it For You)," Bryan Adams
"What A Girl Wants," Christina Aguilera
"Sail Away," Enya
"Supermodel," Jill Sobule
"Mambo No. 5," Lou Bega
"I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)," Meatloaf
"Bitch," Meredith Brooks
"Black or White," Michael Jackson
"Tearin' Up My Heart," NSync
"Right Stuff," New Kids on the Block
"Straight Up," Paula Abdul
"Forever Young," Rod Stewart
"I Want You," Savage Garden
"Waterfalls," TLC
"I Can't Help Falling In Love," UB40
"Ice Ice Baby," Vanilla Ice

Well, I've found my wedding dress.

Twittering the Oscars!

CharleyDaniels best oscars ever. not about 20 hours ago from BeTwittered

beansfink sitting at my desk and not drinking after the oscars is so much less fulfilling than the alternative about 20 hours ago from web

gregkb @sarahinflorence They'll just pawn them to buy rice or something about 21 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to sarahinflorence

beansfink and then night at the museum 2 happened. about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink @sarahinflorence chocolate oscars about 21 hours ago from web in reply to sarahinflorence

aubsbobs I love slumdog millionare. about 21 hours ago from mobile web

beansfink hugh jackman! you came back! about 21 hours ago from web

sarahinflorence OK, the "Slumdog" kids in little tuxes on stage is the cutest thing ever. Give them Oscars to take home! about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink i guess this means i should watch slumdog millionaire. about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink haha. tmz is full of shit, btw about 21 hours ago from web

sarahinflorence "Commie, homo-loving suns of guns." Love it. about 21 hours ago from web

agentbedhead Pattinson looks like he wants to bite Mickey Rourke's neck. Gah, Sean Penn won? That's it, I'm boycotting next year. Just like Kanye. about 21 hours ago from web

sarahinflorence Sean Penn! Wha?! about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink penn? did NOT see that coming about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink hopkins is looking more and more like hank hill's dad about 21 hours ago from web

agentbedhead Fingers crossed for Mickey Rourke. I can't help digging that guy. about 21 hours ago from web

prisco @pajiba I can't believe Kate Winslet's father is the creepy German guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark. about 21 hours ago from web in reply to pajiba

beansfink id be pissed if sophia loren introduced me. she steals the show. in a "icantbelievethatswhatshelookslikenow" kinda way about 21 hours ago from web

sarahinflorence @gregkb Hahahahahahahahaha. about 21 hours ago from web in reply to gregkb

gregkb Boy did I ever pick a bad time to switch over to the Oscars: Sophia Loren in HD--- NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo turn it off, turn it off! about 21 hours ago from TweetDeck

gregkb Quote from my mom (r.e. Angelina Jolie)- "I always think she looks like she's always about to go crazy." about 21 hours ago from TweetDeck

beansfink who's idea was this? about 21 hours ago from web

hodgman I did not win an oscar for sound design. I hired that doppelgänger for nothing! To bed about 21 hours ago from Tweetie

gregkb Can anyone explain why ESPN.com has a link to ABCNews' "Live Coverage of the Oscars" about 21 hours ago from TweetDeck

sarahinflorence We should have cloned Paul Newman when we had the chance. about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink i wish people would clap over her singing. why isn't there more clapping? about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink liberache rolls in his grave about 21 hours ago from web

CharleyDaniels we know that Heath Ledger wasn't at the Oscars, but we're hoping to trick some of you into thinking that he was about 21 hours ago from BeTwittered

beansfink i have to say, i'm enjoying the non-english acceptance speeches the most about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink androgynous about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink i think i'm in love with the adrogynous heroin addict in the apt above the chinese buffet about 21 hours ago from web

sarahinflorence JC Penney -- now promoting looking like a heroin addict? about 21 hours ago from web

beansfink the oscars are freaking me out this year. everything seems so disjointed. maybe bc i haven't seen any of the movies? about 21 hours ago from web

pajiba David Wain is live-blogging these shit Oscars. It is a bright spot: http://tinyurl.com/dzrt5w about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink oh! hugh jackman! i forgot about you about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink @danielc HA about 22 hours ago from web in reply to danielc

danielc Re: Jerry Lewis. Sis: "When was the last time he was in a movie?" Me: "The last time was two years after who gives a shit." about 22 hours ago from web

danielc @beansfink Holy crap now I am scared of Alabama. about 22 hours ago from web in reply to beansfink

beansfink @sarahinflorence that actually happens every night at the corner of tennessee and cedar at 11:34 p.m. it gets boring after a while about 22 hours ago from web in reply to sarahinflorence

sarahinflorence The ghost of Dean Martin appearing would be more interesting. about 22 hours ago from web

sarahinflorence Stop playing Coldplay songs in the background of the montages, Academy! I want to not hate them. about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink Joaquin Phoenix works for zeigler now? about 22 hours ago from web

gregkb RT @JimMacMillan: Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News fire for bankruptcy: http://is.gd/kuGF Dang. about 22 hours ago from TweetDeck

beansfink starting your own cloud business: stupid about 22 hours ago from web

cortina53 gaybourhood plus the oscars equals slowest shift ever about 22 hours ago from txt

beansfink outstounding! about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink @sarahinflorence agreed. about 22 hours ago from web in reply to sarahinflorence

beansfink this song makes me not to want to watch any of those movies more than the movies make me want to not watch them. about 22 hours ago from web

sarahinflorence Hugh should take his shirt off. I said it. about 22 hours ago from web

prisco @danielc I loved him in Willie Charlson's War. about 22 hours ago from web in reply to danielc

beansfink will smith - i should have known i wouldn't get out of this unscathed about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink yeah, he just did that. about 22 hours ago from web

danielc Seymour Philip Hoffman is amazing an actor. about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink i thought i heard bill maher about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink surprise, surprise. about 22 hours ago from web

hodgman Walken borrowed that other guy's pocket silk for his sudeburns about 22 hours ago from Tweetie

beansfink are we breastfeeding nominees now? isn't being nominated enough? about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink and again with the body-snatcheresque line up of former winners about 22 hours ago from web

beansfink i was confused and scared of that whole musical number, then... ah, baz luhrman. now i get it. about 22 hours ago from web

sarahinflorence "The musical is back!" Wow. about 22 hours ago from web

agentbedhead Defamer now part of the Gawker blog & looking for a writer: http://tinyurl.com/aoaeu4 about 23 hours ago from web

hodgman Message: oscars and cockroaches survive all? about 23 hours ago from Tweetie

agentbedhead Tried not to tweet for a week. Made it five days. So, did they *have* to stick a camera in front of Jolie when Aniston took the stage? about 23 hours ago from web

hodgman I like beaufoy's ceremonial crystal sash. Is he Klingon? about 23 hours ago from Tweetie

Things that creep me out

One of the lead characters of "Little Children," Sarah, reminds me of me. Perhaps it's just the way they dressed her in the 2006 film, with floral collared shirts, sweaters and cardigans, wide-leg khakis and overalls, clogs and sandals, not much makeup, stringy wavy hair. Basically, like I dress most of the time. The one room in her and her husband's house that she decorated for herself looks like a room I would live in, how I would have decorated it.

And then there's what the narrator says about the male character, Brad, who is married to Cathy: "It didn't seem to matter that Sarah wasn't his type. Wasn't even that pretty, at least not compared to Cathy, who had long legs and lustrous hair and perfect breasts. Sarah was short, boyish, and had eyebrows that were thicker than Brad thought necessary. But even so, she walked into his arms that day, as if she were fulfilling a secret wish he hadn't remembered making."

It just creeps me out. Am I that obvious of a character?

Better yet: Do I need to not try and write blog entries at 1:20 a.m. while watching "Little Children" on HBO after a long day at work?

Yes.

But I don't like wrinkles!

Bama hates the iron. Hates it. Not as much as he hates the vacuum, which he barks at even when it's not on, but it's a close second. As Daniel put it: "It's like he's Hitler and that iron is the damn Jews."

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

If you had a rough Valentine's Day, or you just want a good movie guide to read, head over the the Movies for the Dumped guide at Pajiba. I went with "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." A perfect movie.

Even my food is liberal!

The sight of my refrigerator always makes me laugh. It's my collection of political gear I'm not allowed to display -- probably not even supposed to have, but oh well -- because of my job. I actually have gotten away with a "War is not the answer" bumper sticker on my car, but that's it. My bulletin board in my study is a graveyard -- Kerry/Edwards '04! Texas for Hillary! Stickers for representatives from my former Texas home. Good times. I need to find a profession where it's OK to drop the line "Cheney is the Antichrist" in a conversation.

25

Creating my entry for the latest Facebook trend -- a list of 25 random things about oneself -- was fun, and proved to be an exercise in introspection. Too much introspection, really, and most of the items I typed out in an e-mail draft in preparation for creating the Facebook note didn't make the final product.

A lighter item that ended up on the cutting room floor was my remembering toys I loved to play with -- Polly Pockets and my American Girl doll, Samantha, which I still have -- and what I loved to watch. I would rent episodes of Shelley Duvall's "Faerie Tale Theatre" by the armful, and there's no telling how many times I watched them all. But they were mesmerizing, and watching the series intro clip I found on YouTube brought everything back.

The point of the entry for the ultimate 25 list was to remark on how I held on to "childish" things much longer than my peers did. I rented some "Tale" episodes for a sleepover party in 5th grade, but no one wanted to watch them and were shocked that I even pushed 'play' and got a few minutes into an episode. Uncool. I gave a Polly Pocket to a friend, also in 5th grade, and I remember watching her unwrap the birthday gift surrounded by giggling girls. The look of incredulity on her face hurt a bit, and I think the giggling got worse. I loved what I loved, and I wasn't in a hurry to be grown up, and my parents loved that. I'm thankful that I wasn't forced to be anything but a kid, even all the way through high school. I got to play and daydream and go to church camp and enjoy innocence. I don't regret it.

Of course, I could start to examine the giant metaphor of me holding onto childhood things and innocence too long, or even still, and I might get depressed and realize I'm more of a late bloomer than I'd thought. But I've never wanted to rack up stereotypical experiences to make myself feel accepted, adding notches to a belt of so-called normalcy.

OK, that's enough introspection.

I discovered they've re-released the entire "Faerie Tale Theatre" series on DVD. I'm so buying it. You can come over and watch it sometime. I'll braid your hair or something!

An actual ad in our paper

Self-evident

It's not naivete. It's not "drinking the Kool-Aid" (please stop using that phrase). It's not false hope, or putting too much faith in one person. It's not unrealistic. It's not partisan. It's not about race. It's not about age.

It's choosing hope over fear. Try it.

P.S. Just felt like pointing out that I've been on this Obama Hope Sparkle Coach in the Sky for several years. I think the exact number of years -- 2 1/2 -- qualifies me for a flying unicorn named Butterscotch delivered by Obama himself.

P.S.S. I hope that last comment didn't negate everything that came before it.

P.S.S.S. I mainly created this post just to run this picture.

She's got a way about her

I can't decide if I should praise or bemoan Facebook's technological drive-by known as the Mini Feed.

"[Big red heart] ____ is listed as in a relationship."

Helpful. My heart stopped beating for half a second, which can't be good, but at least you were honest and to the point, Facebook. Brutally honest, yes, but I appreciate the honesty all the same.

I think.

Who needs to hear gossip through that old mill when a glance at a computer screen can keep you updated?

One problem: Sometimes, my Mini Feed doesn't update quickly. For about four days, every time I logged into you, Facebook, at work, I saw the same posts -- including the same relationship listing. I GOT IT. He's in a relationship. Thank you, Facebook. Now you're just being brutal.

Refine in '09

I created this blog about 4 1/2 years ago.

Not sure what I would title it if I created it now, but I can't bring myself to take down the earnest Coldplay lyric as my banner. I still love Coldplay, so I haven't completely changed. My desire to write and blog has drastically tapered off, though, as no one can tell because no one likely reads this anymore for lack of updates.

Perhaps part of the Refine in '09 movement for me can be to delve back into writing, and by writing I mean typing out pithy comments and random thoughts on a blog, just like millions of others do.

But do they write in list format? Probably not!

So here goes.

• I think I'm supposed to not be content to wake up, walk my dog, go back to bed, wake up again and walk dog, shower, drink coffee, watch TV, get ready for work, go to work, work, come home on dinner break to walk dog, go back to work, work, come home, walk my dog, watch TV, get ready for bed, read, go to sleep -- but somehow, I am. My goal is to be more like my dad and follow his philosophy of learning to be content no matter what. I'm content to enjoy nature on my walks with Bama, daydreaming or debating who knows what in my head, making up stories about the various neighbors I see. I love making coffee with my favorite hazelnut-flavored creamer in the morning and curling up on my couch and watching my favorite shows waiting for me on my DVR. I love coming home and seeing Bama's giddy reaction when he realizes I came back for him and am going to let him go outside to pee. So much of life is ordinary, even mundane. I've experienced exciting things and met cool people, and my adventures are nowhere near done. But I refuse to fall into the solipsistic trap of bemoaning society and life in the suburbs and work in a cubicle. It's what you make of the ordinariness. A lot of life sucks. Deal with it. It doesn't have to be as hard as you make it.

• When I read "Gone With The Wind," I both sympathized and empathized with Scarlett, seeing myself in several of her qualities. That can't be good.

• I don't know how to handle being in the majority. For years, I grimaced every time I saw the president's face. Now, I smile. For years, my brain understood that it should not believe anything the president or anyone in his administration said. Now, my brain treats what the president says as gospel. For years, I delighted in ridiculing the president. Now, I'm upset if anyone dares to ridicule him. Where do I go from here? How do I live in a country with a leader I love? This is weird.

• I like how the suggested "Labels for this post" at the bottom of the screen are "e.g. scooters, vacation, fall." Scooters? Really?

• I think I'm getting closer to being able to say that I probably -- maybe -- never wanted to major in journalism in the first place. I just did. Now I'm at my second newspaper, and I have no idea how I got here, or where to go next.

• Blueberry is a great flavor. Special K breakfast bars in blueberry? The best ones! Blueberry bagels? I eat them. Blueberry vodka? Pour in some cranberry juice and you've got a par-tay.

That's all I've got.

Oh, Bama

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