Great Op-Ed piece in The Washington Post today:

Message From a Megachurch
By E.J. Dionne Jr.

American politics took an important turn last week at a church in the foothills of Southern California's Santa Ana Mountains.

When Rick Warren, one of the nation's most popular evangelical pastors, faced down right-wing pressure and invited Sen. Barack Obama to speak at a gathering at his Saddleback Valley Community Church about the AIDS crisis, he sent a signal: A significant group of theologically conservative Christians no longer wants to be treated as a cog in the Republican political machine.

For his part, Obama, the former community organizer from Chicago, showed why he is this moment's hottest commodity in 2008 presidential politics, even though he has not entered the race yet.

For a quarter-century since the rise of the Moral Majority and the Christian Coalition, white evangelical Christians have been widely seen as a Republican preserve. No one did a more comprehensive job of organizing them than President Bush, and he carried the white evangelical vote in 2004 over John Kerry by a ratio of nearly 4 to 1. Many of the most politically active evangelical leaders have insisted that the morally freighted social issues -- abortion, stem-cell research, same-sex marriage -- took priority over all questions.

Enter Warren, or Pastor Rick, as he likes to be known. Warren is no political liberal. On the contrary, his views on the hot-button issues are reliably conservative, and he has said that members of his sprawling Orange County congregation probably vote overwhelmingly Republican.

But Warren speaks for a new generation of evangelicals who think that harnessing religious faith too closely to electoral politics is bad for religion, and who are broadening the evangelical public agenda to include a concern for global poverty and the scourge of AIDS.

Warren is also the most gifted religious entrepreneur since Billy Graham. Warren's book "The Purpose Driven Life" has sold in the tens of millions, and his specific model for themegachurch has spread all over the country. He is not building a new denomination. He is building a new network, and it's powerful. Warren and his wife, Kay, have made alleviating the AIDS crisis in Africa one of the central components of their mission.

And thus it came to pass that when Warren called a conference at his church last Friday on World AIDS Day, among those he invited were two potential presidential candidates. It was unsurprising that one of them was Sen. SamBrownback, the Kansas Republican and a loyal social conservative who has taken up the AIDS issue with passion and commitment.

But when the other invitee turned out to be Obama, parts of the old evangelical political apparatus went after Warren as a heretic. Rob Schenck, president of the National Clergy Council, declared that Obama's views on abortion -- Obama is pro-choice -- represented "the antithesis of biblical ethics and morality" and insisted that Warren had no business inviting him to Saddleback.

Warren's church issued a statement reaffirming its strong opposition to abortion, but Warren did not back down. Indeed, he seemed to revel in rejecting the old evangelical political model. "I'm a pastor, not a politician," Warren told ABC News. "People always say, 'Rick, are you right wing or left wing?' I say 'I'm for the whole bird.'"

When it came his turn to speak, Obama took on the moral message of evangelical AIDS activists -- and then challenged them.

"Let me say this and let me say this loud and clear: I don't think that we can deny that there is a moral and spiritual component to prevention," he declared. "In too many places . . . the relationship between men and women, between sexuality and spirituality, has broken down and needs to be repaired."

Then Obama got to what "may be the difficult part for some," as he put it, that "abstinence and fidelity, although the ideal, may not always be the reality."

"We're dealing with flesh-and-blood men and women, and not abstractions," Obama said, and "if condoms and potentially things like microbicides can prevent millions of deaths, then they should be made more widely available. . . . I don't accept the notion that those who make mistakes in their lives should be given an effective death sentence."

That Obama received a standing ovation suggests that Warren is right to sense that growing numbers of Christians are tired of narrowly partisan politics and share his interest in "the whole bird." In their different spheres, Warren andObama are both in the business of retailing hope.

One more thing: If you read Obama's speech, you'll realize he demonstrates a much truer Christian spirit than the GOP masterminds who have recently tried to push people away from Obama by pointing out that his middle name is Hussein.

Abilene is a black hole, a mysterious place that will suck you in and kill your soul. Oh, and you can never leave. Just like on "Lost."

Oh, friends are so nice. They make it out of Abilene, move to Austin, are surrounded by Whole Foods stores and bicyclers who wear LiveStrong bracelets and think they know everything. At least they have your best interest at heart (and will procrastinate with you while you're both bored at work):

Malinda: let's go to the martini bar when I come in town
me: it's only open on Thursdays
:-/
sorry
Malinda: only thursdays?
me: yep
Malinda: that's gay
stupid abilene
i ate that town
HATE
not ate
sheesh
me: haha
i like that it's only open thursdays. they have events there on the weekends
Malinda: i think it's stupid
it'll probably close down in a few months
me: haha
or not
Malinda: only trashy joints make it in abilene
me: last time i went, they had like 250 ppl there, up from 75 the week before. we'll see
you just don't like abilene
don't hate on the warehouse
Malinda: i don't like abilene
and I don't like that you're starting to give in
you have to get you out
STAT
me: i know, i know
Malinda: it's going to take you over
and then you'll be growing old in abilene
at christian village
"neighbors to ACU"
and you'll drive slow
and get mad at liberals
me: is that my future? will i at least be married?
Malinda: nope
and you'll be angry
me: when will this happen? if i don't get out of abilene by a certain time?
Malinda: in the next year
time is of the essence
me: well, that was a nice glimpse into my future
i think i'll put that on my blog
Malinda: and you'll still be writing on your blog
and you'll be the old crazy woman who writes into the optimist
condemning them to hell
for their liberal/unchristian views
me: does abilene warp people's minds?
Malinda: yes
makes you see things
like LOST
watch out for the monster of black smoke
me: am i going to see a horse in the jungle?
Malinda: still the weirdest thing ever
maybe your missing son
all wet
pointing at you
or your dead brother
and then you'll die
me: aw
Malinda: and everybody will think you're crazy
me: so what's the game plan for getting me out of here?
Malinda: did i get you scared?
me: was that the goal?
Malinda: of course
me: well, i have a feeling most of that won't happen, but yes: i need to get the hell out of here

'Cause our children are watching us, they put their trust in us, they're gonna be like us

In case you haven't read this yet, you need to. Daniel has brilliantly summed up the hypocrisy surrounding the Dixie Chicks controversy. I stood next to a poster for the documentary "Shut Up and Sing" a few weekends ago, waiting in line to see "Casino Royale." I was with a conservative -- and I mean owns Ann Coulter books and CDs of Confederate music conservative -- friend. He essentially likened the Chicks to terrorist-lovers, saying it's people like them who want to quit fighting in Iraq and let terrorists win. I'm assuming he liked the Chicks before their 2003 concert. Talk about not staying the course. He said he'd "vote with his dollar" and refuses to support them and the movie about them.

As someone who knows what it's like to receive hate mail -- the likes of which I also believe were made worse because of my gender -- the only thing I can do to combat that type of hypocrisy is to vote with my dollar as well, refusing to change my support for an artist if I disagree with their politics or lifestyle. I don't care what they say at their concerts; what I care about right now is that their latest album, "Taking the Long Way," is amazing -- one of the top albums of the year. And I'll keep listening to it.

Why did I have to be born with an addictive personality?

To say I'm excited about the upcoming
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix film is an
understatement. Malinda and I have hatched a plan that includes me
taking July 13, 2007 off from work, driving to Austin and standing in
line for hours at one of theDrafthouses to see the show together. We'll
need moral support for the parting of Sirius because yes -- I treat
fictional characters as if they are real. Watch the trailer here. Now. Also watch this HBO sneak peek with extra behind-the-scenes footage.

Side note: I'm annoyed they changed the writing on his hand, as seen on the picture at above, to "I will not break rules." In the book, as begins in chapter 13, "Detention with Dolores," Harry is forced to carve "I must not tell lies" into his hand until he bleeds -- an important part of the book and a tie-in with Harry being considered a liar by most of thewizarding world. So why change it? Why change something so minute? Why screw with crazy-obsessive fans' minds? Why?

Second side note: I think I've found someone with hands as white as mine. Now I know I should move to England.

Don't be offended by my frank analysis -- think of it as personality dialysis

So, this conversation is what happens when someone like Robert Altman dies, you work in a newsroom and you talk online to your brother, who also works in a newsroom and happens to be a movie buff:

me: the newsroom is arguing on whether or not robert altman dying is big enough news because most people wouldn't know who he is.
Daniel: [weeps]
[hangs self from rafter after carving "brooks was here"]
i hate this world
IT HAS TO BE IN YOUR PAPER
if you don't wanna do p. 1, fine
reefer it and put it wherever you put arts stuff
but FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY F***ING CRAP IT'S LEGITIMATE NEWS
me: haha, yeah, it's going in the paper
but, we were debating whether he was important enough
the managing editor said the average person doesn't know who he is
Daniel: he was one of the best directors of the 20th century
me: or can name more than one of his movies
Daniel: MAYBE IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO EDUCATE PEOPLE AND TEACH THEM SOMETHING IN THE PAPER
i swear to f**k i will kick your managing editor in the balls
what a retarded logic
"i don't know him, therefore no one does, or will care"
jeez
me: haha
Daniel: oh man
i will fly to texas in december and drive to abilene and punch him right in his tiny balls
holy CRAP
what a moron
i've only seen a few altman movies, but know that his death is big news
guy had an amazing career
incredibly influential
no altman, no p.t. anderson
man
man man man
talk me down, kid
give me some good news
me: haha
ummm
today is your last day of work for the week
that's good news
Daniel: true
ok
a little better now
just
man
your editors make me sad
for humanity
me: haha
that was a nice little rant
it was him against everyone else
Daniel: good
me: and he felt pretty strongly about it for some reason
Daniel: tell him: "my brother daniel's coming for you. he's riding tonight and bringing hell with him"
or something equally intimidating
me: will do
Daniel: "my brother will hunt you until the sun burns out. he knows where you sleep. he will kill you"
me: we're running a brief on his death, but we're grouping it with a bunch of celebrity news, like michael richards, o.j.'s book, jackson and the hobbit, etc. our complaint was that altman doesn't belong in that category, but he said he does because he's not in the ranks of spielberg or lucas. we argued that (obviously), but his point was that he wasn't as popular, not that he wasn't as good. he said the average reader won't know who he is.
blah.
Daniel: HOLY MOTHERF**KING SHITBALLS
I HATE YOUR EDITOR SO MUCH I COULD PISS BLOOD
NOT AS GOOD AS SPIELBERG OR LUCAS?
ALTMAN WIPES HIS ASS WITH LUCAS!
YOU THINK THE PASSING OF ONE OF THE TOP AMERICAN DIRECTORS OF ALL TIME IS ON PAR WITH F**KING O.J.?!?!
CRAP CRAP CRAP
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
talk me down
TALK ME DOWN
hurry HURRY
me: i'm laughing too hard
he's dumb
he doesn't know anything
Daniel: HE'S BEYOND DUMB
THE TURDS I LEAVE IN THE TOILET ARE DUMB
YOUR EDITOR IS A SHITCAN RETARD
WHO DOESN'T DESERVE TO MAKE NEWS DECISIONS
[panting]
oh man
MAN
me: easy now
this is why you moved away
and one day, my friend, i will too
Daniel: ths is ttrue
i can't even type right
balls
balls
poop
piss up a rope
me: now we're joking that we should go out and ask the 'average reader' if they know who the managing editor is
Daniel: hahahaha
nice
i think you should all take turns giving him licks
with a belt
come on
MASH
MASH, people
not the stupid tv show
the great movie

... aaaand scene.

So that's what "We Three Kings" is about.

This drives me absolutely insane. INSANE. An excerpt:

Christians gather around the world each Christmas to sing about "poor baby Jesus" asleep in the manger with no crib for his bed.
But the Rev. Creflo Dollar looks inside that manger, and he doesn't see a poor baby at all.
He sees a baby born into wealth because the kings visiting him gave him gold, frankincense and myrrh. He sees a messiah with so much money that he needed an accountant to track it. He sees a savior who wore clothes so expensive that the Roman soldiers who crucified him gambled for them.
Dollar sees a rich Jesus.
"He was rich, he was whole, and I use those words interchangeably," says Dollar, senior pastor of World Changers Church International, a 23,000-member College Park, Ga., church that broadcasts its services on six continents.
Dollar is part of a growing number of preachers who say that the traditional image of Jesus as a poor, itinerant preacher who "had no place to lay his head" is wrong.
"Did Jesus have money? Well, the Bible was clear. Kings brought him gold," Dollar says. "Did Jesus have money? It's clear. He had a treasurer to keep up with it."

Note to self: Don't call your editor a 'martyr' during a meeting.

Here's some of the stuff I do on our Thursday entertainment page. I have a TV column and this week printed feedback I've received. Man oh man did I clean them up and correct mistakes. Seriously -- if you're going to send a letter to a newspaper or other publication, at least run spell check, people.

November 2, 2006

They're sharpening the ax:
Word has it that "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," despite receiving an order last week for three more scripts, will be cancelled. The script ordering was probably due to contractual issues, according to Entertainment Weekly, rather than a sign of hope from NBC in the show. NBC is disputing the rabid rumors, but who knows how long the show will actually last. "Friday Night Lights" ran in its place Monday, drawing a larger crowd than its showing the previous week and beating "Studio's" ratings as well.

This saddens me. The show that criticizes the state of TV by having its own show go against the network grain by being "controversial" and in turn receiving high ratings is in reality suffering from low ratings and the expected ax from its network. Now that's irony.
One reader disagreed with my open letter to Aaron Sorkin, "Studio 60's" creator, two weeks ago. Read on to see what she had to say, as well as my response.

Backtalk

Feedback for Oct. 19 column (An open letter to Aaron Sorkin)
Dear Sarah,
I have been reading your reviews in the new Life sections, and I have to say we are of two very different minds. I love "Heroes" and am not a comic book fan, but a 34-year-old mother of three. I like "Smith," and thought it was not really given a chance. And I like "Studio 60." I think you may have missed the first episode. The producer went crazy or if you ask me, he went sane! His rant about television was right on. I don't think "Studio" is meant to funny, but meant to be introspective. If you want funny, watch "30 Rock." You will find funny, or somewhat funny -- I can't really decide yet. I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I just hope that maybe, just maybe TV networks will hold on to the good shows that need some ... time.
Thank You,
Amy

Amy,
I think we're more like-minded than you assert. I like "Studio 60" and agree about the sorry state of TV (and yes, I saw the pilot, and wrote about it here). But I maintain the show-within-the-show's comedic sketches needed to be just that: comedic. The heavy-handed, preachy plotlines are wearing everyone down, and what could have been an amazing show is buckling under its own self-importance.
Also, I never said "Smith" was bad; I just said that it was cancelled. I never watched an episode. And I have to disagree with millions of people out there about "Heroes." I may give it another shot out of boredom, but it's just not great.
Sarah

Feedback for Oct. 26 column ("The Class" isn't funny)
To Sarah:
"The Class" is not as funny as I would have hoped it would be. However, there are funny shows on TV. I laugh out loud every time I watch "According to Jim" and "Two and a Half Men." Both are hilarious. Why are they not getting more recognition? Instead, "The Office" gets all the awards. "The Office" is one of the most stupidest shows I've almost sat through. No one I know watches it either.
Linda

Linda,
You cut me deep by calling "The Office" stupid. It gets all the awards because it's one of the smartest comedies on TV, claiming the title now that the brilliant "Arrested Development" is off the air. These aren't sitcoms; they're witty and eccentric, which makes it harder for these shows to gain an audience. I'll have to take your word on "According to Jim" and "Two and a Half Men" -- I just can't bring myself to watch them.
Sarah

This has to be the funniest e-mail I've ever received from my parents:

Ok, get this, your father managed to set himself on fire last night.

I had to work until 8 p.m. last night, so he was coming to pick me up. He had Rusty in the truck (of course) and was dressed in his usual shorts and tee shirt topped off with his robe and slippers. Just setting the scene.

Right around the corner, at the stop sign, a girl had stalled her car. He stopped to see if she needed help. He told her he had to pick me up, but would be right back. He then set out a flare.

You know what's coming.

He said the girl lunged at him, saying "You're on fire!" and slapping at his chest. Now he's got a hole bigger than a quarter burned through his robe and a slightly singed tee shirt. Not surprisingly, she was gone by the time we got back. (Can't you just hear the story she told?)

He was offended when I snickered. I really think this tops me pinching my fingers in the garage door.

Mom

There's a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.

I'm heartbroken. I had wanted so badly for "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" to be a success, having worshipped Aaron Sorkin ever since my dad and I spent two days watching a marathon of season one of "The West Wing" on Bravo a few Thanksgivings ago. I tear up at every "WW" episode in its first two seasons, and would vote for Bartlett in a second, if only he were real. I wanted "Studio 60" to be just as grand, but it's just not working.

Now, word has it that a cancellation is near for the bloated drama-with-comedic-bits-that-aren't-funny. Three more episodes have been ordered, but that may just been contractual. How ironic that a show about a network fighting against the general suckiness of TV and calling viewers to a higher level of standard isn't working, and will get the ax from its real network that its show within a show isn't. "Studio's" fake show's ratings are soaring, but for no reason. "Studio's" ratings are plummeting, for all the right reasons. Perhaps this proves that Sorkin's idealistic venture is too out of base with reality; neither the show or the show within a show are great, but for some reason, he can't see that. Unfortunately for him, everyone else can. At least we'll have the DVDs.

Update! West Texans not only retarded, but unethical.

It appears the video of the 5-year-old in the toy machine may have been staged. The cameraman from a local news station claims he arrived at the scene after they'd unlocked the machine but before they took the boy out. The worker from the machine company and the boy's mother say that the boy was already out, and when the cameraman arrived, he asked them to put the boy back in. Read the whole story.

The public should be informed when images or sounds are re-enacted, according to the code of ethics for the Radio-Television News Directors Association and Foundation.
The National News Service, which distributes video to member TV stations, has not pulled the video of Joshua. An employee said discussion with Vodak (news director for local TV station) confirmed that the video was not staged.
ABC NewsOne, a news service for ABC affiliates, did pull the video from its news server and alerted its clients after a "Good Morning America" producer called Joshua's mother and was told the video was staged.
"We don't stage anything," said Jeffrey Schneider, a senior vice president at ABC News. "It's completely against our ethics."

Awesome awesome awesome.

West Texans: Yes, we're that retarded.

Oh, making national news is fun.

First up: A wedding announcement in the San Angelo newspaper made David Letterman:




AND secondly: A five-year-old crawled into a crane-operated toy vending machine at the Spaghetti Warehouse in the mall. He was in there for about 45 minutes while the restaurant called a worker from the machine manufacturer to come unlock the machine. Watch the video of every kid's dream.


Now, I went to Spaghetti Warehouse yesterday with a reporter to see how he got in the machine. The flap opening to collect prizes was big enough to crawl through, and there was an alcove that he could have crawled under, leaving enough room for the flap door to close. But how the crap he climbed up into the top part is beyond me, the plastic guarding the toys being way above his head. He must have shimmied up there like a spider monkey.

Interestingly, this story aired locally Monday and was picked up by various NBC affiliates and made Keith Olbermann's oddball countdown. When did the paper learn about it? Wednesday. It was the top story on the front page for Thursday. Awesome.

I eat a lot of candy corn this time of year. That can't be good.

It's always refreshing when critics agree with you:

It's tempting to watch a show like this the way I watched The West Wing. While I was always held by the drama, there was still an undercurrent of wish fulfillment. Josiah Bartlet was the kind of man you wanted to be leading the country, even if you know it would never happen. When Adama sees that he's facing a total of four basestars and not the two he planned on, and that his FTL drive is busted, and that he's staring death in the face, he sets his jaw. That's the kind of leader we all wish we had in our lives, somewhere. Either at work, or at home, or in ourselves.

Daniel has said it a million times, and I'll say it here: "Battlestar Galactica" is one of the best shows on TV. If you refuse to watch it based on its name and what other incorrect assumptions you have, you're lame. Case closed.

-----

Only the "Lost" producers would introduce new characters on a show set on a freaking desert island. What, we just didn't notice them before? They were always in the back? Or if the action was at the beach, they were in the cave? Or vice versa? And what's with Locke working on a pot farm and talking with Boone (may he rest in peace) in the sweat tent? What's happening???

-----

When I was in Wal-Mart yesterday, I noticed familiar, yet somehow changed, song blaring from the giant row of TVs next to me. I couldn't believe it: Meatloaf remade "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)," a movie that will forever play out in my head as it did on Pop Up Video so many years ago. While seeing Meatloaf -- in all his sweaty, man-boob glory -- in "Fight Club" forever changed my view of him, this somehow brings him back to where he belongs in my head. What isn't awesome about that song? It's horrible. Horribly awesome.

I'm tired of the Midterms already

To me, the choosing between Mel Hailey and Susan King for the District 71 state representative race is a no-brainer. Just take a look at their respective answers to the question 'Why are you the best candidate for the District 71 seat in the Texas House?'

Susan King:
"If elected, I will to continue the commitment of Dr. Hunter to our children, our community, and our conservative values. My candidacy is endorsed by US Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison, the Texas Farm Bureau, the NRA, the Texas State Teachers Association, the Texas Nurses Association, and others. My three children have all graduated from local public schools and my husband is a local doctor and has been an Adjunct Professor at ACU for more than 20 years. In addition to being a working nurse, my husband and I also operate a local ranch. As past president of the school board I understand how important our local schools and universities are to our local economy. I am a conservative and support personal freedoms, less government, private property rights, cutting taxes, creating local jobs, and I am opposed to abortion except in the cases of rape, incest and danger to the mother'’s life."

Mel Hailey:
"I still believe that government can be used for good. Government is not the answer to every problem, but it can be a partner in solving problems and enhancing our common life together without becoming our nanny. I have served on the boards of the Noah Project, Meals on Wheels and Habitat for Humanity -- I know what good can come with private initiative and government help.
"I believe it's time to restore civility and problem solving to the legislative process. We have had too much bickering in Austin. As Harry Truman once said, 'It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.'
"My friends and colleagues have honored me on many occasions by electing me to numerous leadership positions in community and professional organizations. They tell me that I am a consensus builder, and a leader who also listens.
"I am prepared for the job."

Our country - on the state and national levels - needs moderates, those willing to compromise and not rush to vote party line no matter their personal beliefs. When someone's telling me why they are the best candidate, I don't want a rundown of their resume and a reminder they're trying to ride Bob Hunter's coattails. (King's 40 Point Plan for Taylor County - which she incorrectly doesn't hyphenate - lists her No. 1 objective as "Regularly seek input from Dr. Bob Hunter." No. 24: "Oppose abusive & frivolous lawsuits." What does that even mean?)

I want an honest answer, an answer from someone who realizes the painstaking minutiae of the legislating process, all the boring glories parliamentary procedure and the need for patience, humility and levelheadedness. That's why I'm voting for Mel. I just wish more people thought voting for him was a no-brainer as well.

The Week in Review

My parents visited last weekend. They brought our dog, Rusty, and he kept them up the first night and me the second. I've never before sat on my bed, awake, at 3 a.m., rubbing my head with my hands and pleading with a small, furry animal to just be quiet. If that is what having children is like, count me out.

They bought me a screen door. I put in a maintenance request to have it installed, and when I came home at 8:30 p.m. last Wednesday, I noticed they had installed the door -- and left it and the sliding glass door open. At 8:30. My apartment was wide open. Really couldn't comprehend how a maintenance person could go to the trouble of locking the front door on his way out while forgetting to shut the side door in the first place. I spoke with the manager. I couldn't bring myself to yell, though. She was just too nice.

Malinda came up for Homecoming. We made it to the parade after stopping at Starbucks to fuel up, and I felt fairly old seeing the new pledges waste way too much time and energy on a float that only a few hundred people saw and that would be demolished only a few hours later. We also made it to the musical. The wonderful Dee had a great review (because the current Optimist arts editor doesn't do reviews???), and he was right about its self-indulgent ending. Our sixth row, dead-center seats couldn't be beat, though. Good seeing English and Taylor and others.


We took pictures on campus with the new scary statues, the cost for which probably could have helped a disadvantaged student out with tuition, meal plans, etc. Oh, dear Christian college. What will you think of next?


Back to work Monday. There were too many mistakes in Sunday's newspaper for our editor, so she implemented a new policy: At the end of each story will be a note saying who edited the story, wrote the headline, etc. It's rather tedious, especially because more than one person looks at a story and several people can tweak a headline, subhead, what have you. We thought about going as far as to say "Tonight's Lotto numbers were looked up online by Jeff, which took all of five seconds," but refrained. My co-workers and I think saying "This story was edited by Sarah" is boring. Some suggested notes:

* This story gave Sarah a headache, but she edited it anyway.
* This story was practically rewritten by Sarah, so much so that she deserves a byline credit.
* This story was the final straw for Sarah, who promptly quit after editing it.
* This story caused Sarah to gouge her eyes out with her pencil, making it the last thing she ever read. We hope it changed your life -- it sure changed hers.

I'll leave you with an interesting article on my current obsession:

"Language has always been important in politics, but language is incredibly important to the present political struggle," Colbert says. "Because if you can establish an atmosphere in which information doesn't mean anything, then there is no objective reality. The first show we did, a year ago, was our thesis statement: What you wish to be true is all that matters, regardless of the facts. Of course, at the time, we thought we were being farcical."

Sarah Does Stupid Things, Part II

The summer after freshman year, I worked for family friends as a clerk in their home offices. Thom and Jana are each realtors and also own their own property management company. I'd file property files away, organize things and occasionally go out to properties to do a 'walk-through,' examining the condition of the properties, what needed fixing, cleaning, etc.

One day, I went to do a walk-through in a residential neighborhood I've never been to before. I pulled in front of the house and went up to the front door, key in hand. But, the key didn't work. I tried for a bit, then went and walked around to the side of the house to see if there was another way in. I called Jana and she first asked if I had the right house. I'm pretty sure I said 'yes.' Then she said to just try the front door again.

I went back and continued to try and open the door with the key, jiggling the handle and peering through the dark-stained glass on the door. I walked back to the car and looked at the address again (there it is). Yeah, I was at the wrong house.

I'm about to get into the car, when an older man opens the door of the impenetrable house and calls after me. "Hey there, just what do you think you're doing?" At this point, I'm pretty scared. I try to tell him that it was a mistake, I work for a realtor and I had the wrong house. He then tells me to stay where I am because he called the police. My walking around the house on a cell phone and jiggling the door handle freaked him out. He thought I was trying to break in and was calling for backup. He also told me that he had a gun and that I was lucky he didn't shoot me.

So, I waited by my car (which was actually Jana's car she was letting me drive). The cop came and questioned me, and because it wasn't my car, I think he had to look up Jana's insurance. Fortunately for me, I didn't look like someone who was trying to break in, and the look of panic plastered on my face was convincing. The old guy wouldn't let up, reminding me that I could have been shot dead had he not hesitated and waited for the cops. "Um, well, thanks for not shooting me."

They let me go. I drove away terrified, found the right house and ran inside. This time to key worked. I didn't tell Thom and Jana what happened, just that it was the wrong house.

Lesson learned: You never know who has a gun stashed away in their house, ready to use it on any 19-year-old, 5' 4" girl who comes too close for comfort.

Really interesting read from Bob Woodward for The Washington Post on the fake/delusional optimism of the Bush White House. It deals with Henry Kissinger being a top adviser for Bush, which Colbert so eloquently discussed Tuesday for day's Word, "experience."

Also interesting: Fox News has "accidentally" labeled disgraced former representative Mark Foley (R-Fla.) as a democrat - three times, at least. Some accident. Watch here and here .

Sarah Does Stupid Things, Part I

Yesterday, after I had a fairly exasperating experience doing laundry at my apartment complex (If the 'in use' light is on, don't open up the dryer door, then close it and not turn the 'on' button again. My clothes will stay wet. That's just rude.), I went out on my patio to measure my sliding glass door for a screen door.

I accidentally shut the door the entire way, and watched as a bar fell down, holding the door shut, with me on the outside. I could see into my apartment, right at my front door, which was locked twice, with the deadbolt thrown from the inside. I thought about how my windows were all locked. I turned around and saw that the patio railing, heavy and wooden, was about as tall as my head. For a few seconds, I contemplated what yelling 'help' would accomplish. Then, I moved my butterfly chair over to the railing, managed to get my bare foot through a hole and onto a staircase next to the railing, and hoisted myself up and over.

I knocked on my neighbor's door. I'd never spoken to her before, but Lauren was quite friendly and invited me in. She and her friend, Courtney, both about my age, were watching "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" and relaxing. Lauren didn't have a phone book, so she called her mom and had her look up the number to the apartment complex. Once I called the emergency maintenance number, the man on call informed me that he couldn't help me because there was no way of proving my name was on the lease, or something like that.

Courtney called someone and he began looking up numbers for locksmiths. None could help me. Lauren has two cats. They kept sniffing my feet and their noses were cold. I called my aunt's house, just to update them on the situation and that I was thinking of breaking a window. My aunt's husband answered. He wasn't helpful.

Eventually, we went outside and examined the windows, wondering how bad it would be to break one. I had just called the maintenance guy back, saying that if I broke a window, there was no way I'd pay for it because he wouldn't come help me. He said he'd call the manager. Lauren said she had a screwdriver.

Then I remembered: I had had my windows open about a week ago, and noticed that my bedroom window's latches aren't great. So, I went around to the front with the screwdriver, climbed into the bushes and popped the screen off the window. I then proceeded to jimmy the window open. (Which is cause for concern. If I can break into my apartment that quickly...) We all laughed. It had been about 30 minutes since the fiasco began. I just said goodbye to the girls and climbed in. Then I went to my computer and told my brother what happened on AIM.

I called my aunt's husband back to tell him I'd made it in. He didn't seem to care. I could have been eaten by rabid dogs roaming the Big Country in search of stupid people, and it would have been on his head. Ah well.

So that's my latest stupid story. I will continue to bring you, faithful readers, more parts to the ongoing series, Sarah Does Stupid Things. Thanks for being my friend.

It seems like most everyone in Abilene knows who Terry Berry was, whether they knew his name or not. He's that guy - you now, the guy who walked around in short shorts, tube socks and a hat. Students called him a male prostitute. Others just thought he was strange. But everyone hasn't been able to stop talking about Terry since Thursday, when he was killed by a train.

Drivers and the train's conductor said he was running down the tracks, in front of the train. The conductor blew the train's whistle to warn Berry, but he never looked back.

We didn't know it was him at first, but by Friday morning it had been confirmed, and hundreds of people called the paper to tell us. No one could believe it. Terry was an Abilene staple; a local icon who, unfortunately, ended up as the butt of many jokes.

The paper ran a photo column on him about a year ago, and Terry's brother wrote the photographer to thank him and provide a little insight. Apparently, something happened to Terry when he was young, and he's never been the same. Not sure if 'not quite right in the head' is PC, but it sums it up.

I saw him a few months ago on the north side, near a Walgreens. I always wanted to talk to him.


Here's a story we ran about him:

Deceased: Walking man misperceived, misjudged, missed
September 23, 2006

Nearly everyone in Abilene knew Terry Berry, if not his name, at least the sight of him - he was the man who wore short shorts and knee-high white socks and strode with purpose over miles of Abilene daily for years - but they may not have known the man inside the shorts.

Berry was killed by a train Thursday while apparently jogging on the tracks. He didn't own a car.

People honked their horns at him and jeered as he paraded in his odd outfit. Girls in cars rolled down their windows and whistled. Berry, 48, seemed to enjoy the attention and took pride in his good looks, especially his shapely legs.

His neighbors, his landlord, his church family and the proprietors of at least one restaurant where he enjoyed eating, speak highly of Berry and are saddened by his loss. Tears are flowing for the man who seemed so odd.

Berry's neighbor in a northwest Abilene apartment complex hung a small wreath on Berry's doorknob on Friday.

''He was my friend,'' said Robbin Brooks, who, with her husband, moved next door to Berry's second-floor apartment about three years ago. ''Oh, yes. We talked quite frequently. He never bothered anybody. He was a good neighbor. He liked to show me his drawings. I never went in his apartment, but stood at the door. When my husband and I heard about the train accident and Terry didn't come home that night, we just prayed to God that it wasn't Terry.''

Brooks said she thought that maybe something was not ''quite right'' about Berry.

''Sometimes I would look down in the apartment courtyard. He would be talking to himself,'' Brooks said. ''He loved to talk to everybody, too. He could talk and talk and talk.''

Over the years stories and rumors have circulated about Berry but Abilene Police Department records do not validate them.

His friends insist he was a ''good guy'' and not at all what many perceived of him. He lived on a small disability payment.

Possibly, Berry's closest friend was Renee Burk, a member of the Fountain Gate Fellowship. She said she became fascinated by Berry.

''What's up with him?'' she wondered. ''I was probably thinking like everyone else about him.''

Then she reminded herself that she was a Christian and should not prejudge people. When Burk ran into Berry at a convenience store, she stopped him, asked him if he was a Christian and invited him to her church. He admitted, Burk said, he thought he was probably headed to hell.

''I probably haven't led a very good life,'' Berry told her.

After weeks, Burk ran into Berry again. He said he had nothing to wear to church but his shorts. Burke said she assured him he could wear his shorts to church.

Berry finally showed up. He was converted and baptized in April and was regular in attendance, always wearing his shorts.

''He came to our meeting just last Wednesday night,'' Burk said. ''He seemed very happy. He had hope for the future. His heart was good. He didn't drink, do drugs or smoke. But I do think he had a poor self image. But he was polite, respectful and happy. He was fun to be around. He was almost like a childlike person.''

Burk said she often took Berry to the grocery stores and walked through the aisles with him.

''People stared, but I didn't care what they thought,'' she said. ''In the end I know I helped him, but he helped me, too. He taught me not to be so judgmental and critical.''

Berry's mother died a year or so ago. His friends said that depressed him. He had been seen walking with a man who was in his 90s until a few months ago. When the man, Billy, who had become a great friend of Berry's died of cancer, Berry's friends said Berry took it hard.

Abilenian Lance Voorhees, a frequent walker, met Berry on a walk and they sometimes walked a few blocks together.

Terry had ''innocent delusions of grandeur,'' Voorhees said. ''He loved the attention. He loved it when the girls whistled and screamed from their car windows. He had a different view of the world. And everybody knew him. Some people even dressed like him for Halloween.''

On the other hand, Voorhees said Berry could talk ''lucidly'' about politics and spiritual things.

Local sports fans dressed like Berry on several occasions at local games.

Ecko's Restaurant on South First Street was one of Berry's favorite places to eat. It is owned by Ecko Barbian, who is helped by her husband Gary Barbian.

They were shocked to learn of Berry's death.

''He'd come in and he didn't bother anybody,'' Ecko Barbian said.

He usually came with his old friend Billy, whose last name was not known.

''When Billy died, I think Terry was pretty much lost,'' Gary Barbian said.

Ecko said Berry always waved at her when he walked by if he didn't come in.

''He told me that one day he would drive up in a limousine and take me shopping,'' Ecko Barbian said.

How are you going to afford that, she asked him.

''Oh, I'll do that when I win the lottery,'' Berry joked.

Gary Barbian's eyes welled in tears at the memory.

Memorial services are pending.

Is nothing sacred?

A former fellow Optimist staffer wrote his own 'Freshman' column. I actually tried to help out, editing it and highlighting areas where the piece could have been stronger. He really didn't take my advice. Kids.

Of course, I was reminded of my own 'Freshman' column, which isn't good -- just infamous. (You'll notice the similarities in our columns.) The aforementioned staffer told me yesterday he heard someone talk about it in conjunction with his. Sigh. But at least that reminds me that for two years, I had an amazing opportunity to share my opinions, not having ever earned a right to, to the student body and university community -- an opportunity I'd give anything to have again, though now with a different audience.

The best hate e-mail I received was from a girl who told me that I, along with her R.A., had ruined her first two weeks of college. Awesome. What cut me to the core was people's confusion on the *note at the bottom, where I was explaining where "I Am the Enemy" came from -- my favorite movie, Almost Famous. For each letter I received from an 18-year-old calling me cynical and signing their anonymous rant "The Already Famous Freshman," "The Nearly Famous Freshman," "The Will Never Be Famous Freshman," etc, a piece of my heart broke. Kids.

My "Best Columnist" plaque I received at the end of the year, which actually said "Best Columnists," still hasn't been corrected. Who knows if I'll get it back. That time is over, and it's time to move on, but I guess it's just not that easy.

I don't want to stop being a kid.

I get to be in charge of my own entertainment page beginning Thursday, mug shot, bylines and all. We'll see how it goes, and I can't express how excited I am. It's time for a change of scene.

P.S. I think this cartoon is funny, especially knowing the cartoonist. Don't think I can't see Godzilla in the background and what appears to be the word "Simpsons," Cole. Glad to know you haven't changed.

Headlines don't sell papes.

While talking online with my brother at work, I informed him that I was busy writing headlines for the paper's local sections and front page. He then decided, being so clever, to suggest a few headlines of his own that would surely be appropriate for any kind of news happening in Abilene.

Now, I'll share them with you:

"Jew spotted, immediately deported"
"Tomatoes are still yummy, say farmers"
"Kitten climbs tree, everybody panics"
"Gas prices rise; elderly call for cars run on blood of immigrants"
"Local preacher thinks teen girls are 'whory'"
"Frontier, Texas! closes; town remains unmoved"
"Chicken Express linked to meteoric rise in local cholesterol levels; no one cares"
"Anson lights just cars, you idiot"
"HSU freshmen sacrifice goat; 'We always knew this place was weird,' admins say"
"House of Yahweh traps and kills drifters; local officials 'scared s***less', do nothing"
"Computers linked to teen pregnancy (why not?)"
"Kenny Rogers cancels concert; hundreds riot"
"IHOP doubles as brothel; flapjack special 'coolest thing ever', customers say"
"Books feared for their knowledge; punks torch library in revolt"

I don't care if it's the same -- It's still creepy.

Seeing the reaction to Facebook's facelift is entertaining at the least. While many, including my brother and Mark Zuckerberg himself, contend that nothing essentially changed on the site -- that it's merely only making what you could already find easier to find -- I still say it ups the stalking capabilities several unwelcome notches. What's great is seeing media coverage: Time, The Wall Street Journal and Forbes, to name a few. Now old people are wondering what the crap Facebook is while undergrads and people who spend too much time on the site are up in arms that their beloved addiction is changing.

What makes the mini-feed somewhat invasive:
1. Technically, you could have seen whose wall I was posting on, if you checked every one of my friend's walls, or if we had a wall-to-wall conversation. Maybe it's just me, but I never scanned people's walls, trying to piece together conversations.
2. Before, you couldn't see what invitation I'd just turned down, or what group I just left.
3. Yes, Mark, it is just putting the information people used to go digging for out in the open, but the people who would go digging for that information probably border on stalkers.
4. Saying that someone updated new photos or changed their profile is interesting, but we don't need to know that I wrote on Justin's wall at 2:53 p.m. Wednesday.

By having a Facebook profile, we're already putting ourselves out onto the Web. So, we can't really complain. But we're still going to. We'd convinced ourselves that somehow, we still have privacy online. This is just reiterating to us that we don't. And that's just creepy.

"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."

According to Father Gabriele Amorth, Pope Benedict XVI's senior exorcist (didn't know you could do that for a living), the Harry Potter books are downright evil, hiding "the signature of the king of darkness, the devil."

What's more interesting:

Amorth, who is president of the International Association of Exorcists, also said Adolf Hitler and Russian leader Joseph Stalin were possessed by the devil, and that Pope Pius XII once tried to perform a long-distance exorcism on Hitler.

"I am convinced that the Nazis were all possessed. All you have to do is think about what Hitler - and Stalin did. Almost certainly they were possessed by the devil.

"You can tell by their behavior and their actions, from the horrors they committed and the atrocities that were committed on their orders. That's why we need to defend society from demons."

Does it make him feel better to say that Hitler and Stalin must have been possessed, not wanting to consider how a human being could carry out such horrific acts? Do we have to explain evil away as some type of demon-possessing trance because it's too unsettling to realize that everyone is capable of evil? What makes the Holocaust terrifying is the fact that it was carried out by you and me, not by a robot or monster we'd rather have as a villain -- something not human.

Young U.K. readers just voted Lord Voldemort the No. 1 literary villain in a Bloomsbury poll. Here's part of what J.K. Rowling had to say when thanking readers:

I have always felt that cardboard baddies make weak heroes and that Harry deserved a really deluxe model, so I have done my best to make Lord Voldemort a real person, red eyed and snakelike though he might be. He, of course, is one of the reasons the Harry Potter books are often banned, but I remain of the firm belief that we need our imaginary villains, the better to brace ourselves for the ones we need to fight in reality.

The difference between good and evil is fairly thin and centers on power, coming down to how far one is willing to go to obtain it. As Harry learns repeatedly, it's the choices you make that define you. "It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

Amorth is taking choice out of the equation, which is a disservice to everyone he's supposed to be shepherding and, essentially, is a bad choice.

Ahhh, look at all the lonely people

Why is this so interesting? A coworker pointed out this random Web site where you can view pictures of people's graves. You can also leave eulogies for the dearly departed. I actually learned this in a book, but F. Scott Fitzgerald's grave is engraved with the last lines from "The Great Gatsby," which are under my blog's title on the right side of this page. Interesting. Enjoy this morbid time-waster.

Minister, Sinister, Banisters and Canisters, Bishops, Fishops, Rabbis and Pop Eyes, Bye bye, Bye byes

Watch this trailer for The U.S. vs. John Lennon. [Crossing fingers that it comes to Abilene.] An interesting excerpt from a Hollywood Reporter piece interviewing the documentary's filmmakers, David Leaf and John Scheinfeld:

"He was willing to speak to power, to stand up to power, in a way that we'd never seen a pop personality do before. It may be that his greatest work of art was his campaign for peace in terms of his post-Beatles career. He spent years and years using his fame and fortune to actually try to make the world a better place. I don't think it had ever happened before. We live in a time where everything's a reality show. John and Yoko were essentially pioneers in that, but they weren't using it to promote an album. They weren't using it to promote a movie. They weren't doing it to promote anything except peace and that's what makes them heroic artists here. And then to have the courage to stand up to the power of the United States -- the presidency, the White House, the FBI and the INS -- (shows they were) courageous artists and courageous people."

TV = Pretty

After various bloggers caught on to the trend of listing their 25 favorite TV characters, I challenged my brother to a list-off to compare our own picks (see his great, and probably more serious, picks here). These aren't The Best Actors Ever, or The Most Award-Winning Actors, but the actors who have stuck with me, entertained me and, several times, moved me to tears. These are also shows that I've watched a lot of, so while I respect, say, Arrested Development or Sports Night, I've only seen a few episodes of each, and therefore can't really call one of either show's characters my favorite.

So, here are my top 25 favorite TV characters, in no particular order:

Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall), Sex and the City -- The most uninhibited and frank female character probably ever to grace the TV screen. Think of that what you will, but in all her outrageousness, Samantha Jones always continued to entertain (and even show a little heart).

Josh Lyman (Bradley Whitford), The West Wing -- "Well, I can tell you that you don't believe in any God I pray to, Mr. Lyman. Not any God I pray to." "Lady, the God you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud." Granted, those were Aaron Sorkin's words, but only Whitford could deliver them with such style. The character wavered a bit over time, and really only ended up with Donna in the way he did because the show was ending, but his storyline and development continually moved me. "The Crackpots and These Women," "Noel" and "In the Shadow of Two Gunmen: Parts I and II" are brilliant.

Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), House -- Only Laurie can pull off the acerbic wit of House while still instilling a sense of deep-down kindness in the sarcastic doctor.

James "Sawyer" Ford (Josh Holloway), Lost -- While Locke arguably has the best character development and backstory of any of the castaways, Sawyer never ceases to entertain. Season Two's "The Long Con" provided more insight into his con-artist ways, and I'll never give up on him. Oh, and I think he and Kate should get together. They've both killed people. What an icebreaker.

Malcom Reynolds (Nathon Fillion), Firefly -- So, so great. I've got a trend of "tough-guy exterior but with a good heart" going. Everyone who's ever given Firefly a chance has loved it, so go ahead: join the club.

Ross Gellar (David Schwimmer), Friends, and Monica Gellar (Courtney Cox-Arquette), Friends -- My favorite brother/sister pair, the team producing great fight scenes ("Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did!" "Ross got married - again!") and the best sitcom dance number in memory: The Routine.

Dr. George O'Malley (T.R. Knight), Grey's Anatomy -- Fumbling, bumbling George has captured many a heart on his Grey's run, probably more than McDreamy himself. After his heart was broken by a foolish, rebounding Meredith, George began to step out of his shyness and take greater command of his life. He's just a great guy, the kind of guy a girl would take over a cocky McDreamy any day.

Dr. Gaius Baltar (James Callis), Battlestar Galactica -- You try keeping your composure while the sexy Cylon in your head is having sex with you. Yeah. Seriously. I will not go into the awesomeness of this show here, though every critic loves it and it's one of the best dramas you're not watching. If you're not watching specifically because the title turns you off or you hate anything remotely Sci Fi, guess what? You make me very sad.

President Laura Roslin (Mary McDonnell), Battlestar Galactica -- President Stands With a Fist, who was the Secretary of Education but was the next alive in line to assume the presidency after a near holocaust of the human race, has a lot on her plate. She's gotta command respect, lead the human race to safety and try to find a place called Earth. Oh, and deal with her impending death from cancer. This show tears me apart.

Eric Cartman (voice of Trey Parker), South Park -- Still going strong after eight seasons, South Park never ceases to entertain with overweight, expletive-laced diatribe spewing Cartman. When I saw the Season Five episode "Scott Tenorman Must Die," in which Cartman enacts revenge on the bully Tenorman by killing Tenorman's parents and feeding their bodies to him in a bowl of chili, I knew I was watching something insanely awesome.

Grace Manning (Julia Whelan), Once and Again -- Man, I loved this show. Grace's character was intelligent and awkward, a teenager trying to cope with high school and the coming together of her family with her mom's (Selah Ward) boyfriend's. Plus, she had a crush on her English (or Drama?) teacher, played by Eric Stoltz. And she definitely kissed him. Too bad the show ended with so many questions left unanswered.

Noel Crane (Scott Foley), Felicity -- Also loved this show, which debuted when I was ending my middle school career. Noel was the good guy, the guy Felicity should have chosen all along, not Ben. But, she kept bouncing back and forth between the two and I believe ended up with Ben in the end. Wrong choice, Felicity.

Michael Scott (Steve Carell), The Office -- Steve Carell injects so much humanity into his roles that you can't help but love Michael, even though he's painfully annoying. We always catch glimpses of the fact that he's really a good guy, and Carell makes him loveable. Somehow.

Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar), Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- It can't be easy balancing high school with killing vampires. Joss Whedon's cult gem brought great storytelling and drama to the TV screen, and he definitely knows how to tear a viewer's heart out. In his works, people die, and not just minor characters. Same with Battlestar. These storylines are just as emotional as anything you'd see at a movie, some times more so.

Executive A.D.A. Jack McCoy (Sam Waterston), Law & Order -- I'm pretty sure that if someone, who was actually on trial, hired Waterston to be their attorney, they'd win. If I were on a jury and listened to Waterston defend his case, I would believe him.

Rory Gilmore (Alexis Bledel), Gilmore Girls -- I felt compelled to put a Gilmore character on here, but most of them are incredibly annoying. Seriously, slow the crap down and try to keep the neurosis at a minimum, Lorelai. So, I picked Rory. Jess might be the most normal character, but I missed a lot of the seasons he was on. He sure beats Logan, though.

Detective Robert Goren (Vincent D'Onofrio), Law & Order: Criminal Intent -- This character is only cool because Vincent D'Onofrio is cool. His eccentric characterization makes Criminal Intent one of the better of the franchise.

Seth Cohen (Adam Brody), The O.C. -- Though the show's quality has rapidly deteriorated, and it wasn't really quality to begin with, Seth's witty dialogue and devotion to Summer was the highlight of the heydays.

Xander Harris (Nicholas Brendon), Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- The perfect sidekick, even though he was part of a group. Loved him from the beginning.

Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson), The Office -- Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight Dwight ...

Ainsley Hayes (Emily Procter), The West Wing -- The delightful Southern Republican in a Northern and Western Democrats' world, Ainsley was an energetic asset to Season Two. Unfortunately, The West Wing writers don't know how to write characters off the show, so she just disappeared. She should have wound up with Sam. Ah well.

Dr. Niles Crane (David Hyde Pierce), Frasier -- Season Three's "Moon Dance" episode was great, and Niles took unrequited love to a new height of painful. Niles and Daphne were better before they got together (as just about all on-screen couples are), but Niles was always delightful.

Steve Brady (David Eigenberg), Sex and the City -- The best male character on the show.

Stephen Colbert (Stephen Colbert), The Colbert Report -- It's a character, and I say it counts. Besides being robbed at last night's Emmys (Barry Manilow? For the love...), Colbert's turn on the Report always has me in tears. Don't know what I'd do without his show and The Daily Show. An appearance on Late Night with Conan O'Brien this summer showed him out of character, just regular Stephen, a guy who is obsessed with The Lord of the Rings, has a family and teaches Sunday School. This quote from him says it all:
"I love my church, and I'm a Catholic who was raised by intellectuals who were very devout. I was raised to believe that you could question the church and still be a Catholic. What is worthy of satire is the misuse of religion for destructive or political gains. That's totally different from the Word, the blood, the body, and the Christ. His kingdom is not of this earth." -- Stephen Colbert, June 2005, Time Out New York


The End.

An actual conversation with my parents:

At dinner:
Me: Yeah, I go out walking in the mornings sometimes. I drive to a nearby neighborhood and walk there.
Dad: Now, are you carrying some sort of stick with you?
Me: Why?
Dad: You need a walking stick. You could also use a cane.
Mom: Be sure to have your phone with you, and your keys.
Dad: You'll need the stick in case neighborhood dogs come at you.
Me: Um, I don't have anywhere to put my phone or keys.
Mom: Well, why don't you just get a fanny pack? That way you can put all your things in there. You also need to have your ID on you.
Dad: Some form of identification. What if something happened and no one knew who you were?
Mom: Yeah, you could put that in the fanny pack, too.
Dad: You can't be too careful.
Me: Umm...

Earlier:
Dad: Your Mom and I did something crazy. We splurged.
Me: What did you do?
Dad: We actually bought a DVD online. We had seen this rendition of South Pacific on PBS with Reba McEntire, so we went online and ordered it.
Me: Why didn't you just buy the CD?
Dad: Because we wanted to watch it! It's wonderful. You'd like it.

Back to dinner, clearing the table:
Mom and Dad: (Humming and singing songs from South Pacific)
Me: Stop, stop, stop, stop. No more singing South Pacific.
Mom and Dad: (laughing)
Me: (shaking my head and leaving the room)

The End.

Why Bush Can't Possibly Agree With Camus, Part 2

I've been thinking way too much about this, but there's no way Bush believes Camus' writings. That's a hard statement to make because Camus' writings differ; just because the characters think one thing doesn't mean Camus thinks it. The Stranger is an amazing book, but I prefer The Plague. Side note: Do you think Bush watched Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, saw the French villain reading a French edition of The Stranger while driving his race car and, intrigued, decided to read it? Probably.

Anyways, if we look at The Plague and Camus' points about humanity, we can clearly see that Bush doesn't understand a thing he's reading this summer in his Crawford Book Club. Lucky for you, I wrote my term paper in my Existentialism & Literature class on "Albert Camus, La Peste, and Religion." I'll include bits of it here. I stayed up all night writing it, so it's pretty bad, but it has its moments. (I've tried to abridge it as much as possible. Yes, there are holes in the attempted logic, but that's what happens when you try to write from midnight to 8 a.m. the last day of finals, a day before graduation.)

First off:

"I am not an existentialist in the current sense of the term," wrote Camus in a 1956 letter to Harvard student Nicolas Daniloff. "Sartre's existentialism seems to me a contradictory philosophy in which confusions and bad faith abound ... Far from leading to a decent solution of the problem of freedom versus authority, [existentialism can only lead] to servitude." Camus cringed at being labeled an existentialist, especially as "existentialism'’s number two man," behind fellow Frenchman Jean-Paul Sartre. Although he didn'’t accept the label, many of Camus'’ works are still considered existential in that they examine human nature and our approach to dealing with our existence and, ultimately, our death.

Next:

Published in 1948, The Plague depicts an Algerian village struck with the bubonic plague and how its citizens reacted to the enormous death toll -- an allegory for the Nazism and occupation of the time during World War II. Dr. Rieux is the novel's protagonist, if he can be called that, but of main concern here is the village's priest, Father Paneloux, who gives two dramatically different sermons during the plague to his parishioners. Paneloux first speaks at the onset of the plague, chastising the villagers, who are hoping the plague will just go away, for their sinful lives, claiming it was this that brought on the plague. "The just man need have no fear, but the evildoer has good cause to tremble. For plague is the flail of God and the world His threshing-floor, and implacably He will thresh out His harvest until the wheat is separated from the chaff." ... Camus' use of religious figures is interesting, especially here and in The Stranger where he shows how many use religion as a crutch and an excuse to not think critically about their existence and whether or not their actions are genuine or meaningful. Paneloux didn't want to accept the plague and its death toll and chose to chalk it up to a demanding God who strikes fear in his creations and does what he pleases when he pleases. (Pat Robertson, anyone?)

Once the plague begins to spread, however, and the death toll raises, Paneloux's and the villagers' views on the destruction alter. The priest's second sermon comes in stark contrast to his first, and here we are able to glimpse into Camus's character and perhaps his true feelings about religion, or at least his feelings on how one who is religious should approach issues such as human suffering. After witnessing the absurd destruction caused by the plague with the deaths of thousands, Paneloux changes his positions and makes comments in his sermon that appear to the listening Rieux to be borderline heretical. The priest still holds fast to his faith and convictions, but is now edging away from the bombastic claims he once had and admits he doesn't understand everything about God and his reasons behind human suffering. He again clings to what he's been taught, but this time it's because it is all he has left. In his first sermon, he could blame mankind for causing the atrocities of the plague, but now, seeing how innocent mankind actually was in regards to the problem, he takes them off the stand. Even so, he's still reluctant to put God on the stand, saying he'’d rather keep faith with the great symbol of all suffering -- Christ hanging on the Cross -- than denounce God or question him. (This is hard for me to translate when considering the Nazis - they were a part of humanity, therefore humanity can't really be innocent.)

His situation has made him categorize his options into two extremes: either to believe everything, or deny everything. "And who among you, I ask, would dare to deny everything?" We must believe in God no matter what, he says, because he can't imagine a life without doing so. The priest's faith was weaker than he thought it had been and, even in the face of human suffering, he chose to have it remain weak. Paneloux's main virtue comes, though, in his call for action, which shines through his existential breakdown onto a line of hope that Camus seems to find as well. Paneloux describes in his sermon the chronicles of the Black Death at Marseille and how only four of the 81 monks in the stricken Mercy Monastery survived the epidemic, and of the four who survived, only one remained to stay with the ill. Paneloux slams his fist on his pulpit, declaring, "My brothers, each one of us must be the one who stays!" It is not enough to just get by in life, or provide sympathy to those suffering; rather, we are required to stay with the suffering, no matter if it brings us harm as well. "We should go forward, groping our way through the darkness, stumbling perhaps at times, and try to do what good lay in our power."

Camus was highly involved in the French Resistance during the war, editing an underground newspaper called Combat and using his writing platform to speak out against the Nazi occupation and the absurdity of the suffering the Nazis caused. He took action -- something that appears to almost go hand in hand with many existentialists who, although they have no answers for their suffering, choose to protest, question, debate, consider and examine life in its every aspect instead of sitting idly by why the absurdity trudges on. Paneloux can't explain why the suffering is occurring, though he won't hold God accountable, but he chooses to not run from it and places himself in the midst of it, treating victims of the plague until he succumbs to his own, mysterious sickness soon after his second sermon and dies.

Finally:

It's not enough for those who claim religion to only cling to the ideals they've been raised with and not question God at all. Camus is showing the dangers of false hope and, ultimately, the dangers of religion when those who claim it do so shallowly and without regard for humanity. At the end of the novel, Rieux has a sense of hope that future generations will continue and hopefully learn something from their predecessors, each group trying to make due with the hands they've been dealt. His hope is in humanity, not in God or any other form of god. He puts his trust in man, though he knows man is fallible, but in light of the plague, Rieux decides to take his chances. Neither Camus nor the reader can blame him.
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The Bush administration and countless others could learn a thing or two from this. Bush's callous comments about the death toll of innocent Iraqis, guessing about 30,000 had died thus far in the war but chalking it up to collateral damage for the sake of spreading democracy, is anyintellectuallyellectualy honest. I'm glad he found The Stranger a "quick read." I suggest The Plague. Here's praying some of it will sink in.

Have you thanked Stephen Colbert today?

This Web site isn't up to date, as it was started after the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, which was April 29. According to Wikipedia, the blog logged almost 50,000 Thank Yous in its first five days. People are still thanking our beloved Mr. Colbert, though, for sticking it to Dubya, and you should, too. I did. And I feel better.

You teach? I teach: Computer-aged philosophy

In between sessions at the Crawford Community Center titled "Heidegger: Is being a Being really being?" President Bush popped back to the ranch, made a pot of Earl Grey and settled in to read Albert Camus' The Stranger. Reported press secretary Tony Snow after the fact: "He found it an interesting book and a quick read. I don't want to go too deep into it, but we discussed the origins of existentialism." (actual quote)

Now, I like The Stranger, and I think that's what's pissing me off. I don't like Bush. The merging of one thing I cherish with another that I abhor is disconcerting. Many are mocking Bush for reading a book many were required to read in high school (but probably didn't understand). Others are confused at the message his reading the book is sending. In it, without remorse, the character Meursault kills an Arab after a skirmish on the beach (the sun was in his eyes, cut him some slack). He's seen as cruel and inhuman by his peers and, after a quick and unfair trial, is sentenced to death. Maybe it's not the best foreign policy move at first glance, but if Bush actually takes seriously what he's reading, there might be more hope in store for us yet.

One would hope he'd consider the topics of free will, choice, the criminal justice system, perception versus reality, freedom, etc. An honest discussion of these, which usually leads to more confusion than clarity, is at least honest - a trait seemingly lacking from most discussions around W. I wonder what he thought of the book? Is this a ploy to make him look smarter? Or did he appreciate Camus?

One MSNBC writer wrote:

For a man whose defining philosophy during his tenure has been a policy of pre-emptive action against terror threats, his interest in a philosophy emphasizing that meaning is not provided by the natural order but can be created by human action, seems apt.

Is that true? If it is, maybe that's what's upsetting me so ... Do we actually like the same thing? This could be my own Existential breakdown. Darn you, Bush.

I've gotta agree with others out there: I want a book report.

I had In-N-Out three times in two days. Two of those times were during the same day.

"I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light." - Woody Allen (Annie Hall)

I survived four days of no central air and my brother insisting on driving with the windows rolled down, no matter how hot it got at 4 p.m. on the 101. I also survived LAX after the foiled terrorist plot, and my experience was at the least a disappointment. The time from when Daniel dropped me off to when I sat in front of the gate was about 10 minutes. No pat-down to make sure I wasn't concealing hair gel. No interrogation on whether or not I had toothpaste tucked into my shoe. You let me down, LAX. You let me down.

This is my favorite picture from the trip. We took another one where his head wasn't cut out of the frame, but the "get me the hell out of here" expression didn't change. This was taken on a balcony at the The Getty Center, a very cool art gallery on top of a hill. He humored me in going, but we didn't have the foresight to anticipate the insane amounts of children and tourists who'd be there. Several day camps were also in attendance, with loud, uniformed minorities running in front of and disrespecting the French Impressionists. Guides had groups of them sit in front of the best paintings, talking to them and having them draw their own versions. They were quite annoying in the Rubens and Brueghel exhibit, which we enjoyed nonetheless. Is a seven year old going to remark, "I do appreciate Rubens' paintings of women, in all their fleshy glory, but give me an Ingres odalisque any day." No. No, they're not. Take them to the zoo or something.

Other events:
- Visiting cool used books stores
- Eating at Tere's Mexican Food, at which Daniel once saw Cameron Crowe (a situation I would have freaked out in, with a reaction Daniel actually called "gauche").
- Visiting Amoeba Music twice, dodging snotty hipsters and digging for cheap CDs and DVDs
- Going to The Grove and watching locals marvel at the concept of a contained strip mall
- Seeing Little Miss Sunshine at The Arclight. I'm now even more obsessed with Steve Carell. You must see this film.
- Speaking of Carell, we verified the location of the fictional SmartTech store his character Andy works at in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. It's on Ventura next to a Bed Bath & Beyond and a Western Bagel. I was probably too excited about this.
- Watching part of Dumbo on TV one afternoon and concluded that it's the trippiest of the Disney movies.

- And last, but not at all least to Daniel, seeing Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars) at the Pulse premiere at The Arclight. I willingly took pictures and acted like a tourist, but I couldn't snag a shot of her face. I don't think that mattered to Daniel.

Those are some of the highlights. Quite a relaxing adventure in California.

Finally...

My new 30G toy is pretty. It took a while to set up, though, perhaps because my computer is possessed and has been trying to kill itself the past two years. At first, the iPod would stop downloading songs after it hit one song -- a song that happened to be in my iTunes library thanks to an Ode to the 80s mix CD I made, which is awesome -- Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive."

I tried several times, restarted, uploaded new crap from the Apple site, freaked out, started crying thanks to PMS, was nearly convinced that all technology hates me, then eventually concluded I should delete said song. Then it worked. Maybe the iPod can detect bad music? "'Wanted Dead or Alive?' What the crap, Sarah? I'm not uploading that. Delete it from my presence." OK.

The advertised ability of being able to hold 7,000ish songs is also a lie -- I uploaded about 1,300 and it's already half full. Lame. I mean, no, you're not lame, iPod, don't freak out on me again. You're pretty.

This is going to be a high-maintenance relationship. But I still love my new toy.

French Vanilla

This is from last week, but it's just so hilarious. All should watch.

Seriously...

Dear Mr. TV Network CEO, Online and/or print news editor,

I do not care what Mel Gibson said or did. Really I don't. If he shot a Jew, that would be news. This = not news.

Hey, what's going on in the Middle East? I heard a lot of innocent civilians died in Lebanon last weekend. How's Castro doing? What would him dying mean for Cuba? By the way, how's that whole Communism thing working for them? I've heard it sucks. But hey, if you're going to cover these, just cover them. No fancy graphics, no puns, no elementary phrases.

Horrendous acts of violence and hatred occur every day in just about every neighborhood of this country, but these events many times go unreported by you because the perpetrators aren't celebrities. If Mel was an Average Joe, would his arrest and comments have made headlines?

Also, if he or anyone else had been yelling bigoted epithets about Christians, would the coverage have been the same? Let's say it was a director who had made a film many believed to be anti-Christian who was arrested. Would that arrest and the directors comments have made so many headlines? Is it because Christians are in the majority -- does it just not count as much?

Basically, I'd like for you to actually report the news. Not celebrity gossip, not sensationalized tabloid fodder. News.

Thanks.

Yours truly,

Sarah.

P.S. You're contributing to the downfall of our society.

Tom DeLay's goons didn't know it was satire?

While watching The Colbert Report, my favorite show, I enjoyed Colbert's bit on Wikipedia and his chosen word of the day, Wikiality. He discussed the ever-changing Web site and the everyman's ability to update pages on the free encyclopedia as they like, no matter if the material they are uploading to the masses is true. He then said that in about 15 minutes, his TV show's page will be updated with the tidbit of him talking about Wikipedia on his show.

Well, it took less than that. Within a couple of minutes, this was on his page:

"Wikiality
Stephen creates this word in his segment on Wikipedia on his July 31st show. It refers to changing meanings on wikipedia"

Now there are even more references to the show. There's also a warning on the page saying that because of recent vandalism, editing of the article by anonymous or recently registered users is disabled. Maybe too many freaks like me immediately went to the site and tried to throw their two cents in.

In a few more minutes, a video of his broadcast will surely be on YouTube.com. The information cycle seems to be speeding up. It's freaky, but oddly comforting. Maybe it gives us the feeling that somehow we're contributing to pop culture, spreading its messages along. We appreciate the art, and now we can instantly own it, manipulate it and send it to someone else. Or maybe we just think it's cool. Either way, I like it.

Hustlers, grab your guns

Things my brother brainstormed that we can do when I venture out to LA next week:

We could:
Get tattoos
Get something pierced
Go to the beach and pick fights with kids
Go to the grocery store and pick fights with old people
Go to the library and enact a short play

That's what we've got so far. We're taking suggestions.

I've read she hated Danishes

I know it's a classic, but Breakfast at Tiffany's has always struck me as odd. I won't even begin to ponder the beyond-politically incorrect supporting role of a very white Mickey Rooney portraying a very Asian Mr. Yunioshi, which is just disturbing.

Hepburn is of course delightful, but I feel like I need to have been alive in 1961 -- or at least be better acquainted with the idiosyncrasies of Truman Capote -- to appreciate the randomness. I approached the film expecting to like it because it's a classic and you're supposed to like classics, right? It's interesting, but it's not something I'd want to own and pop in every now and then. The older, hillbilly husband of Holly's storyline is just weird, as is her relationship with Paul. The eccentricity is appealing, but not enough.

I think the film's effect on pop culture -- with Hepburn's iconic black dress, huge shades and cigarette holder -- has surpassed the film itself. I'm more familiar with Deep Blue Something's one-hit wonder of the same name, but I've heard Capote's novel is good. Actually, I think I heard a character in a movie say it was good. The black dress is up for auction at Christie's in London and is projected to fetch about $130,000, all for charity.

I'll just remember the style and nice ending of Breakfast at Tiffany's, and not my confusion upon viewing the classic. Though I can attest to the truly magical feeling of walking into a Tiffany's and being blinded by sparkles. So wonderful.

This has been your random Sarah Ponders Cinema moment for the day. Sorry.

Whatevs.

Dear Mr. Quizno's Sandwich Maker Guy,

When I ordered my sandwich in your store Thursday, I did not appreciate you teasing me about not putting veggies on my sub. I don't like veggies. Lettuce is only good on a salad. All I was looking for that day was a nice, toasted turkey sandwich, and someone behind the counter at Quizno's who could make one.

"Really? No vegetables?" Yes, really. Why would I lie to you? Would I really have had you begin making my sandwich only to say "Sike! I was totally kidding - give me tons of lettuce!" I think not.

I've never liked veggies on sandwiches or burgers, etc. Blame my parents for not force-feeding them to me. Asking me again, "No veggies?" then smiling and saying "I'm just trying to keep you healthy" was the last thing I needed to hear. At least I don't work at Quizno's for a living. Ooh! Snap! Cold!

Is adding lettuce and tomato to a sandwich that already has turkey, cheese, ranch and bacon (mighty tasty) on it really going to up the health factor? Again, I think not. To make that healthy, why don't we take off the bacon, ranch and cheese. And then maybe the turkey. If you're so focused on health, why do you even work for a chain that carries sandwiches of this nature? Huh? HUH?

Today I went to Subway. They made my turkey sandwich, minus vegetables, no questions asked. Ha.

I win.

Have a nice day,

Sarah

You should all read this. I was able to thrown in my two cents on the best and worst TV-to-film adaptations in the paper today. You will probably have to register to read it, but if you love me, you will.

I Conquered Google. And: My high school Prom date is now ... gay?

164. That's the magic number. Apparently, you can only keep a single conversation thread going for 100 e-mails using Gmail (by just hitting the reply button back and forth). Once you hit 100, the system kicks the thread back to you and starts a new one. But, the second one only went 64 e-mails. 164. Try it. I defeated the system (with help from my brother). Yes, from June 19 to July 22, we sent 164 e-mails. Some interesting, many not so interesting, but all worth it. Take that, Google.
_______

Zach Braff has now made it his mission to chronicle the different stages of adulthood every few years. First, we had the gem "Garden State," where he examines the randomness of being a mid20sish guy. Now, with The Last Kiss, he's moved on to what it's like to be 30. I kinda like having him chronicling these milestones for me ahead of time. I hope he keeps going. What it's like to have kids, what it's like to have a mid-life crisis, what it's like to not live off of Social Security because it won't be there. All would be helpful.

Strikes against the movie already:
* Paul Haggis (the jerk who won an Oscar for "Crash") wrote the screenplay. Boo.
* Summer (Rachel Bilson) of "The O.C." fame is the temptress.
* Peter Sarsgaard isn't in this one.

If he inserts a couple of songs from The Shins, he might redeem himself. Either way, I'm sure I'll see it.
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Someone bent my car antennae. Seriously. Like, someone was walking past my car in a parking lot and felt the urge to randomly bend my antennae. Well, that really pissed me off. The radio still worked, but it looked dumb. So, going to Star Dodge Hyundai, I was able to have it bent back into shape. While I was there, one of the workers noticed that my vehicle registration expired in April. About four months ago. Not sure how I didn't notice that one. And of course, to give me a pass on inspection, I had to install new windshield wipers. The trip I took to have my antennae fixed ended up costing $41. It's always something.
_________

What do you do when you find out that a childhood friend of yours is gay? Especially when the means by which you found out were a phone call from another childhood friend sparked by rumors, and later verification of the new lifestyle thanks to MySpace? He was engaged to a girl six months ago. Going from engaged to leading an openly gay lifestyle with a boyfriend in six months is quite a jump. There's a story there. I'm sure I'll find out soon enough.