Zac Efron is cute, and I don't care how illegal it is for me to say that.

Movies I'm not ashamed to admit I plan on seeing this summer and fall, even though I (maybe) should be:

"Sex and the City: The Movie" (already saw it; cried a few times; ate a whole bag of popcorn; ... crap)
"Get Smart"
"The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2"
"High School Musical 3: Senior Year"

That's really all I can come up with so far, but I'm pretty sure those last two are more than enough to make this list complete. I was going to put "WALL-E" and "Mamma Mia!" up there, too, but who are we kidding -- those will be awesome.

Onward, Fellow Adventurers!

This blog has officially influence the life of one of the four people who read it.

Whilst wandering through the wilds of St. Louis, Malinda and Chris found this marker of a Lewis & Clark Expedition rendezvous site. It's no partially constructed smoke stack or haunted ghost cabin, but it'll do.

Look at these young historians! Who needs the mall or the sock hops when you've got monuments to look at? That elbow leaning against the cool marble, that confident smile, that gleam of the eye you can still make out from behind the sunglasses ... sigh. Lewis is most definitely resting in peace.


We need more Malinda's and Chrissssss (possessives scare me), people. We can all learn a lesson from them.

... I need more sleep.

Where Davy Was Born, Where Meriwether Died

Because Bank of America apparently doesn't consider Alabama a part of the Union, last week I drove to Tennessee to the nearest BofA ATM to deposit my first check. Lawrenceburg, Tenn., is proud of its most famous citizen, Davy Crockett, and erected a statue in his honor in the middle of its historic downtown. Did you know he was almost 50 when he died at the Battle of the Alamo? That's impressive.

What's not impressive is how the monument put the name Alamo in quote marks. Like it's a hypothetical? Really, Tennessee? Just because he left your lame-ass state to go and fight for mine doesn't mean you should hold a grudge.

For some reason, I was the only person taking pictures of Davy's likeness in the middle of the town square at 5 p.m. that Thursday. Cars passed by me and Davy, like we didn't even matter. Kids these days. No respect for history.

Now that I was in a different state and had succeeded in depositing my check so I could pay bills, I decided to keep exploring the Volunteer State. About 30 miles west you can reach part of the Natchez Trace Parkway, a 444-mile road that "commemorates an ancient trail that connected southern portions of the Mississippi River, through Alabama, to salt licks in today's central Tennessee." More importantly, the closest landmark on the Trace to me is the resting place of Meriwether Lewis, oh he of Lewis and Clark fame. He killed himself on the Trace in 1809, and I'm pretty sure he's hung out in central Tennessee since.

I want someone to erect a half-built smokestack to commemorate my life when I die, whether my demise is tragic or not. His memorial actually looks like something I've seen outside of Don Morris on ACU's campus. Perhaps the building's namesake is buried there?

One other car was at the memorial site when I arrived, but left shortly after. Again -- I was the only one stopping to pay my respects to a man influential in this nation's Manifest Destiny or whatever. Kids!

Lewis shot himself in a place called Grinder House, the remains of which can be seen on the site -- a small outline of stones shaped like a square. What a cramped place to die. Near that is a cabin -- likely not historic, just built to look that way. Even at 6 p.m. in broad daylight, the whole "deserted cabin in the middle of the woods" thing didn't instill comfort in this tourist. Neither did the creaking woods surrounding the memorial site. Or the "Pioneer Cemetery" a few feet away that is home to various members of the Higgin and Spears families.

The cabin has two doors -- one locked, one open, its screen door inviting visitors in. Or scaring them away, take your pick. As I opened the screen door, I stopped for at least 10 seconds, debating whether to go in. I said "Hello?" to the empty room filled with eight-grade history project-worthy bulletin boards detailing Lewis's life. Terrified adventurers can sign the guest book or take a seat on the single folding chair against the wall. But buckos, I watch "Lost." What do you bet that chair was already occupied? Eh? I walked around the room for another 10 seconds, signed the guest book ("Rest in peace, Lewis") and then quickly ran out. Ran.

Standing outside, I noticed a panel in one of the cabin's windows was broken -- a window on the room behind the door that was locked. I started walking up to it, but quickly backed away at the thought of an eye appearing from the dark. Again, thanks, "Lost."

I took more photos of the area, all the while narrating the experience, sometimes aloud, because that's what I do. The ghosts probably appreciated the commentary.

I grabbed a few Natchez Trace maps and hit the road, back to Alabama to tell of my excursion.

My friend, who loves to watch documentaries and tell me all about them, told me Lewis's life story a few months ago, calling him one of the nation's most misunderstood manic depressives. Sorry you were born before the days of Prozac, Lewis. Rest in peace.

I'm a marshmallow, too

When you move to a new place and don't really know anyone, you've got options. Do you go outside and meet people like an adult with dignity and self-respect? Heck no! You stay inside and watch endless hours of TV on DVD.

Here are the Top 10 ways you can tell I've been watching a lot of "Veronica Mars" lately -- and by a lot I mean that I've watched 2 and 1/2 seasons in 12 days.

1. I've started responding out loud to the show when I guess a plot twist or react in general to something that's happening.
2. I think about the show while not watching it, and respond out loud when I'm suddenly struck with an idea about said plot twists.
3. I've spent more than a few minutes contemplating the similarities between "VM" and the "Harry Potter" series. Veronica would totally be in Gryffindor.
4. I Photoshopped the masterpiece at right while at work.
5. I actually wasn't embarrassed when a co-worker looked over my shoulder and asked me, while laughing, "What are you doing?" as I Photoshopped.
6. I approach any kind of online search with a heightened sense of emergency and importance, like I'm on the hunt for something only I can find.
7. I popped in M. Ward's "Post War" and felt bad for Logan all over again.
8. I send e-mail updates to my brother, the "VM" afficionado, about where I am in the series, running through the details as if he didn't already know them.
9. I've been late to work because I was watching the show.
10. I only have nine more episodes to watch, meaning I'll have watched the entire series in less than two weeks, and I will then likely go into a state or mourning.

But it's all worth it.

Didn't Michael Jackson write a song about this?

News pundits have had their fun the past few weeks relaying to viewers the totally set-in-stone fact that Hillary's base's backbone is made up of hard-working, lower-class white people thanks to some polling data from West Virginia, Kentucky and other states I'm scared to visit. While there's truth to this data, it's necessary to remind ourselves that Hillary's backbone of voters aren't necessarily representative of the majority of Americans. And while Obama can't really address the whole "there are still a lot of racist white people out there" dilemma (and he doesn't -- he says the campaign is moving on from issues like that) because then he'd be seen as the scary black candidate with the scary black preacher, Hillary could do her part to help ease tensions.

Instead of touting polling data that white voters support her, the braver step would be to ask those white voters -- if they admit that race is a factor in their voting decisions -- why they're so afraid of a black candidate. Timothy Egan said it best: "In Kentucky, over 25 percent of Clinton supporters said race was a factor in their vote – about five times the national average for such a question. Clinton, if she really wanted to do something lasting, could ask her supporters why the color of a fellow Democrat’s skin is so important to their vote." But I guess it's easier to take what you can get, hold on to as many votes as possible and battle it out to the bitter end.

Way to go, Hillary. You have the support of an America the rest of us would like to move on from.

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

I've been following the blog postings of documentary filmmaker Errol Morris for a few months now, as well as any news feature I can find about his upcoming film, "Standard Operating Procedure," and book of the same title he co-wrote with Philip Gourevitch.

Gourevitch wrote "We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda," the introductory chapter of which is probably one of the best things I've ever read. I read aloud an excerpt from it in college once in my Messages of the Old Testament class when we were debating the act of genocide and whether God still intervenes on behalf of his creations or whether he let's things happen because of free will, etc. Light subject. My reading brought the mood of that 10:30 a.m. Tuesday-Thursday class down considerably, but I never got a chance to go toe-to-toe with the self-righteous Youth and Family Ministry majors who were of the "God Rules, End of Story" persuasion.

Anyway, I pre-ordered the book and am excited about it. "Procedure" delves into the Abu Ghraib scandal and its haunting photographs, but Morris's attention to detail and determination to find the real story will have most anyone rethinking their definitions perception, intention and truth. His latest NY Times blog post revolves around Specialist Sabrina Harman (pictured), who has one of the more recognizable faces from the prison photographers and who was made a scapegoat by the military when they needed someone to blame for the PR nightmare.

She has her reasons for why she would have her photo taken with prisoners and corpses while smiling and giving a thumbs-up, and I like what the facial expressions expert has to say about how Sabrina may be smiling, but she's not happy. But I can't help but wonder what I would have done in her situation, or what anyone would have done. How much does our environment, upbringing, personality, psychological state, etc., influence our actions? A lot, I know, but what about when it comes to those moral issues we all claim we feel the same about? We say we'd never treat another human being like that -- and some of us would likely never get ourselves into the situation of having to decide whether or not to torture someone in the first place -- but how do we know?

One excerpt from a recent New Yorker piece on the book and film got under my skin.

The cat’s head was one of Harman’s gags. She had a kitten that was killed by a dog, and since it had no visible wounds she performed a rough autopsy, discovered organ damage, and then an M.P. buddy mummified its head. They gave it pebbles for eyes, and Sabrina photographed it in various inventive settings: on a bus seat with sunglasses, smoking a cigarette, wearing a tiny camouflage boonie hat, floating on a little pillow in the wading pool, with flowers behind its ears. She took more than ninety photographs and two videos of it. The series, in its weird obsessiveness and dark comedy, has the quality of conceptual art. At one time or another, at least fifteen of Harman’s fellow-M.P.s posed for photos with the cat head; several senior officers and a number of Iraqi men and boys also took the time to have their pictures taken with it. The cat head had become a fetish object, like Huckleberry Finn’s dead cat, which Tom Sawyer admires—a scene that Norman Rockwell illustrated in a folksy print captioned “Lemme see him, Huck. My, he’s pretty stiff!”

The macabre nature of carrying a mummified cat's head around as a joke struck me as an interesting look into her psyche. She might not be the "bad apple" that one of Morris's editors claimed her to be, but was she an Average Jane just doing her job -- doing what was standard operating procedure? Is the cat head trick a sign of the kind of person she was already, or the kind of person she'd become in Iraq? Did the situation of war so warp her and her fellow soldiers' minds/hearts/whatever that the cat's head is more of a warning sign?

We're all a product of our environments; luck of birth is a bitch, but it can't be helped. I'm where I am because of where my parents were when they had me. We're all on different intelligence levels, we all respond to things differently, etc. I believe we're all capable of great evil as well as great good, it just depends on our situations, our level of power and the choices we make -- which all depend on our environments, our personalities, our psychological makeup, etc. Ah, so circular.

Knowing this, I have to ask: Can Sabrina Harman be judged on the same level as I am? As you are? What does it mean to be held accountable for one's actions, and can you really blame someone for the action's they take in a situation you could never imagine?

Morris as the artist taking a closer look at Abu Ghraib has helped me see the situation so much more clearly, which of course means I'm now more confused than ever.

One thing I do know is that Harmon is no worse a person than me. She's just not as lucky as me.

Nice name, BENedict

The pope bears a striking resemblance to a certain "Lost" character named Ben, a man who isn't to be trifled with. And here I thought the Cheney-Penguin similarities couldn't be topped. Maybe "The Onion" was on to something after all ...

My Name is Bob Rumson!

Look how big my flag lapel pin is. It's huge! I COULD BE PRESIDENT. I'm so patriotic. And awesome at Photoshop.

Take that, Obama! Too little, too late.

My Mom is the Coolest

She can hang curtains and put bookshelves together and pack boxes tightly and drive for me when I'm sleepy. She takes care of me.

What a Beautiful Mornin'

Dewey is always dirty and sweaty, his butt crack is always showing, and I can always tell when he's been in a room based on its odor. But at least he's always polite.

Standing in my apartment in worn jeans and a hole-covered T-shirt, he tries to make conversation while waiting for his fellow maintenance man to stop by and have a look at my hall toilet -- The Toilet That Won't Stop Leaking.

"It's a beautiful day today," he says, left arm raised above his head and supporting his body's weight against the door frame while his right hand sits on his hip. His left arm isn't too high, thankfully, otherwise I'd get to see his crack again.

It's about 8:45 a.m. and raining. He apparently thinks it's OK to have my front door standing wide open, letting the Southern air and its threat of storms in.

"I think we're supposed to have bad weather today," I say, and Dewey just grins. "Oh, it's already here. They've already been hit in Tupelo."

"That's not good."

"Ah, you'll be a'right," he said as he pounded the door frame with his fists. "Brick building. Me, I'm in a trailer."

I'm standing in my pj's, having been ripped from sleep by Dewey's loud "Hello?" a few minutes earlier as he let himself in my apartment. He had first checked on my bathtub's sliding door and a drawer in my bathroom, both of which I swore were broken. About four seconds after he got to them, they weren't. Something about not being on their tracks.

I'm crossing my arms and wondering if I should start sleeping in a bra to be prepared for times like this one when Dewey's friend, Chris, pulls up. At least he looks like a Chris, just like Dewey looks like a Dewey.

"Is the toilet still running? That just don't make no sense," Chris exclaims to Dewey as he wipes his workboots off on my rug. "That just don't make no sense," he exclaims to me as he follows Dewey down the hall. I'm still standing, bleary-eyed, in my living room, debating whether to make coffee or wait and see if they leave early enough for me to go back to bed.

I decide to at least pull my hair back, put on a sweatshirt and hide in my office to read e-mail. Chris and Dewey get to work diagnosing the problem of The Toilet, which was already new but always had water leaking out from under its base. They pull it open, remark about the quality of the wax ring, do something else to it, blah blah I haven't had coffee and am hiding, they bring in a new one.

Chris leaves to take care of another job ("It should be OK now. That just don't make no sense!"), leaving me with Dewey and Dewey's crack in all its hair glory in my hall bathroom. He finishes installing the toilet quickly, though, and offers a few more "Yes Ma'ams" before he's gone as well.

I light a scented candle, watch TV, drink my coffee, then go back to sleep. I shouldn't have bothered to set my alarm, though.

A much louder one goes off to wake me up: a tornado siren.

I've eaten four doughnuts today ... so far

As a point of cultural reference for those of you unfamiliar with northwest Alabama, here's the first of a series of videos done by "The Colbert Report" in 2006 in the area. Colbert County is right next to Lauderdale, where I live, and when I interviewed for my job, my editor drove me past several of the sites scene in the videos.

This week we've had tornadoes hit the area, and a representative from the "Report" called the newsroom Thursday to see if everyone in Colbert County was OK. At least we're hoping it was a legitimate representative. I offered to be interviewed, and kept waving my WristStrong bracelet in the air, but no one humored me. Sad.



Here are the rest:

Alabama Miracle, Part 2
Alabama Miracle, Grand Opening Part 1
Alabama Miracle, Grand Opening Part 2
Alabama Miracle, The Morning After

It's amazing I was never fired

Over the past two years, my desk area has ... grown. I don't like blank walls, and I like to surround myself with things that represent me and/or make me happy. So ... I had a bit of fun with decorating my cubicle. Coworkers call it "the lounge" or my "apartment." What's a desk without a magazine rack, a TV and some throw pillows? What is it without places of honor on the wall for the Time magazine cover of Ronald Reagan crying photoshopped tears, and the Texas Monthly Bum Steer cover that was a delightful ode to Cheney? Where else am I supposed to put my shrine to Stephen Colbert?

Sometime last year, I realized that a TV wasn't be used. It was just sitting on the old online editor's desk about 15 feet away or so. I ran a long cable across a good bit of the office and under cubicles to my desk so I could watch TV without having to turn around and look at any of the five or so TVs around the newsroom. Too hard.

Apparently, it was a "safety hazard," but some maintenance men ran some cable for me from another TV nearby to my desk. I didn't ask them to. I almost felt bad about it.

Then in December, a coworker and I decided we should move a couch next to my desk. It was off in a lounge area that no one really used, except when we were forced to by an editor to hear either a mock-inspirational speech or a lecture on the depressing state of the industry and how we have to get used to doing "more with less." The couch needed a better home. And some pillows.

This month, I introduced the magicness of the Quote Board to the office, capturing gems of verbal diarrhea sure to get us all written up.

I've been needing to dismantle it before I leave for good Friday, but it's harder to do than I realized.

An Actual Conversation I Had With Coworkers

Scene: Me, walking out of the building toward my car at dinnertime. Two coworkers, a man and a girl, are standing outside talking. I call her a girl because she's my age and I'm not a woman, therefore, neither is she.

Girl: Hey Sarah, did you see "Juno"?
Me: Yes.
Girl: That's what we're talking about. Did you like it?
Man: Did you love "Juno"?
Me: Yes, I liked it. It's cute.
Man: Did you see "Superbad"?
Me: No.
Girl: I liked "Juno." Ooh, I want to see "Smart People!" It has the same girl from "Juno" in it. It opened like a few weeks ago.
Me: Yeah, it's been getting mixed reviews.
Girl: Oh, I never listen to reviews. I never read them. I like to go into things without and prejudgments. Now, if a friend who has really similar tastes to me recommends something, then I'll listen.
Me: You know, you could find a critic with similar tastes to you and listen to them.
Man: [smiles]
Girl: That's true. I hear film critics are a dying breed.
Me: That's the word on the street. ... My brother's a critic.
Girl: Ah, in LA ... the film industry capital ...
Man: We don't need film critics.
Girl: Yeah, we really don't.
Man: Why do we need critics?
Me: OK. ... That's what I did in school. [walks away]

I then went to Hastings and rented "Lars and the Real Girl," which was recommended to me by a film critic with similar tastes whom I trust. Go figure.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

You know it's bad ...

... when you write your obituary for fun during computer-system training at work. We were writing fake stories to learn the system, and this is what I came up with. I have issues.


Copy editor dies of boredom

Medical experts baffled, impressed


Abilene Reporter-News copy editor Sarah Carlson died Tuesday of excessive boredom. Co-workers found her slumped over at her desk at 9:43 p.m. and called 9-1-1, but the mundane task of editing the paper's Sunday Life section had already taken its toll. She was 22.

"We are shocked and saddened at the sudden loss of such a valuable employee," said editor Barton Cromeens on Tuesday. "We're offering free counseling sessions for all employees who are attempting to deal with this tragedy while continuing to produce our award-winning newspaper.

Carlson graduated from Abilene Christian University in May 2006 with a degree in journalism and mass communication. She had dreams of becoming a Pulitzer-prize winning reporter and the ruler of a small country. Friends described her as charming, witty and brilliant.

She is survived by her parents, Steve and Eileen Carlson of San Antonio; her brother, Daniel, of Los Angeles; the family's poodle, Rusty; her impressive DVD on TV collection; and numerous grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.

Upon her request, her ashes will be buried underneath the Great Hall of Christ Church in Oxford, England.

Best. Idea. Ever.

A new theme park -- The Wizarding World of Harry Potter -- will be built at Orlando's Universal Studios' Islands of Adventure, opening by late 2009.

Universal plans a 20-acre "Wizarding World," a little bigger than the average size of its themed "islands" at Islands of Adventure. Part would be carved away from what is now "The Lost Continent" island, and the rest would be land now used for employee parking and park support, outside the back fence.

The new, "seventh island" would feature reconstructed and rethemed attractions, and all-new ones, Scott Trowbridge, vice president of Universal's Creative Studios, said in an interview. The Hogwarts castle and locations from Rowling's Forbidden Forest and Hogsmeade village will be created as backdrops to attractions, shops and restaurants.

I wonder how early they will sell tickets. For this, there's no such thing as "too early."

I Like Pizza. A Lot.

Daniel: we can also walk down to the subway on the corner [when you're in L.A. in a month]
and papa john's
me: i can eat a large papa john's thin crust pepperoni
well, most of it. once you get down to two pieces left, you're in pain
Daniel: wow
man alive
me: save those for later
papa john's is the best pizza cold
Daniel: amen
but still
me: THAT'S RIGHT MAN ALIVE
Daniel: a whole pie
me: thin crust is different
Daniel: yeah
me: two thin crust is like one regular
they go quickly
Daniel: a regular crust large is like 3 meals
me: wuss
Daniel: or two meals and diarrhea
me: i didn't know my brother ate like a girl
Daniel: i didn't know my sister ate like a lumberjack
me: well now you do
Daniel: ok then, paul bunyan
i'll just set you some pizza and let you go to town
me: i appreciate that

I'm Not That Smart

Yesterday, as I sat in traffic, I looked at the horizon and saw the Blockbuster sign towering over buildings. And, for what I'm pretty sure was the first time in my life, I realized that the logo is a torn ticket stub. I don't think I ever realized that before. Seriously.

I Owe It All to Sam Waterston

Conversation with the brother:

Me: what are you getting mom for mother's day?
Daniel: that's in like a month
me: haha
Daniel: i already got her a successful firstborn
me: well, dad and i have been planning

whatevs
Daniel: hehe

what are you two planning?
Me: (Here I list out way cool gifts)
Daniel: hmm

a cd it is then
me: haha

lame
Daniel: YOU'RE the lame one

[kicks her]

[runs]
me: didn't you already not buy her a christmas present because you blew the money for it in vegas?

what was this about being a successful firstborn?

[kicks him back]
Daniel: i have no memory of that, counsel
me: how convenient

jury should note that the defendent suddenly lost his memory when he was asked about his shady behavior
Daniel: jury should note that it's actually the "defendant"
me: objection. defendant is taunting the prosecutor and speaking out of turn
Daniel: defense resents the implications of impropriety, moves to dismiss on grounds that prosecutor is clearly biased and short
me: objection sustained. move to dismiss overruled

watch it, counselor
Daniel: defense further objects to the fact that the prosecutor and the judge seem to be the same person, which is cheating
me: one more instance of name-calling, counselor, and i'll hold you in contempt of court
Daniel: defense is pretty freaking confused, but cooperative
me: proceed
Daniel: [had no idea it was his turn]
me: i just made it your turn
Daniel: defense maintains that a cd is a solid gift, and that combined with a phone call and the preexisting aforementioned successful firstborn, that mom would be pretty happy
me: prosecution agrees to settle with the stipulation that it be put on the record that the defendant was combative and called the the prosecuting counselor "short."
Daniel: defense will stipulate
me: defendant's combative remarks are noted. court rules in favor of the defendant and is now adjourned.

Counting Down to 01.20.09

An excellent editorial in today's New York Times:

The President's Prison

George Bush does not want to be rescued.

The president has been told countless times, by a secretary of state, by members of Congress, by heads of friendly governments — and by the American public — that the Guantánamo Bay detention camp has profoundly damaged this nation's credibility as a champion of justice and human rights. But Mr. Bush ignored those voices — and now it seems he has done the same to his new defense secretary, Robert Gates, the man Mr. Bush brought in to clean up Donald Rumsfeld’s mess.

Thom Shanker and David Sanger reported in Friday's Times that in his first weeks on the job, Mr. Gates told Mr. Bush that the world would never consider trials at Guantánamo to be legitimate. He said that the camp should be shut, and that inmates who should stand trial should be brought to the United States and taken to real military courts.

Mr. Bush rejected that sound advice, heeding instead the chief enablers of his worst instincts, Vice President Dick Cheney and Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Their opposition was no surprise. The Guantánamo operation was central to Mr. Cheney's drive to expand the powers of the presidency at the expense of Congress and the courts, and Mr. Gonzales was one of the chief architects of the policies underpinning the detainee system. Mr. Bush and his inner circle are clearly afraid that if Guantánamo detainees are tried under the actual rule of law, many of the cases will collapse because they are based on illegal detention, torture and abuse — or that American officials could someday be held criminally liable for their mistreatment of detainees.

It was distressing to see that the president has retreated so far into his alternative reality that he would not listen to Mr. Gates — even when he was backed by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who, like her predecessor, Colin Powell, had urged Mr. Bush to close Guantánamo. It seems clear that when he brought in Mr. Gates, Mr. Bush didn’t want to fix Mr. Rumsfeld's disaster; he just wanted everyone to stop talking about it.

If Mr. Bush would not listen to reason from inside his cabinet, he might at least listen to what Americans are telling him about the damage to this country's credibility, and its cost. When Khalid Shaikh Mohammed — for all appearances a truly evil and dangerous man — confessed to a long list of heinous crimes, including planning the 9/11 attacks, many Americans reacted with skepticism and even derision. The confession became the butt of editorial cartoons, like one that showed the prisoner confessing to betting on the Cincinnati Reds, and fodder for the late-night comedians.

What stood out the most from the transcript of Mr. Mohammed's hearing at Guantánamo Bay was how the military detention and court system has been debased for terrorist suspects. The hearing was a combatant status review tribunal — a process that is supposed to determine whether a prisoner is an illegal enemy combatant and thus not entitled in Mr. Bush's world to rudimentary legal rights. But the tribunals are kangaroo courts, admitting evidence that was coerced or obtained through abuse or outright torture. They are intended to confirm a decision that was already made, and to feed detainees into the military commissions created by Congress last year.

The omissions from the record of Mr. Mohammed's hearing were chilling. The United States government deleted his claims to have been tortured during years of illegal detention at camps run by the Central Intelligence Agency. Government officials who are opposed to the administration's lawless policy on prisoners have said in numerous news reports that Mr. Mohammed was indeed tortured, including through waterboarding, which simulates drowning and violates every civilized standard of behavior toward a prisoner, even one as awful as this one. And he is hardly the only prisoner who has made claims of abuse and torture. Some were released after it was proved that they never had any connection at all to terrorism.

Still, the Bush administration says no prisoner should be allowed to take torture claims to court, including the innocents who were tortured and released. The administration's argument is that how prisoners are treated is a state secret and cannot be discussed openly. If that sounds nonsensical, it is. It's also not the real reason behind the administration's denying these prisoners the most basic rights of due process.

The Bush administration has so badly subverted American norms of justice in handling these cases that they would not stand up to scrutiny in a real court of law. It is a clear case of justice denied.