I Owe It All to Sam Waterston

Conversation with the brother:

Me: what are you getting mom for mother's day?
Daniel: that's in like a month
me: haha
Daniel: i already got her a successful firstborn
me: well, dad and i have been planning

whatevs
Daniel: hehe

what are you two planning?
Me: (Here I list out way cool gifts)
Daniel: hmm

a cd it is then
me: haha

lame
Daniel: YOU'RE the lame one

[kicks her]

[runs]
me: didn't you already not buy her a christmas present because you blew the money for it in vegas?

what was this about being a successful firstborn?

[kicks him back]
Daniel: i have no memory of that, counsel
me: how convenient

jury should note that the defendent suddenly lost his memory when he was asked about his shady behavior
Daniel: jury should note that it's actually the "defendant"
me: objection. defendant is taunting the prosecutor and speaking out of turn
Daniel: defense resents the implications of impropriety, moves to dismiss on grounds that prosecutor is clearly biased and short
me: objection sustained. move to dismiss overruled

watch it, counselor
Daniel: defense further objects to the fact that the prosecutor and the judge seem to be the same person, which is cheating
me: one more instance of name-calling, counselor, and i'll hold you in contempt of court
Daniel: defense is pretty freaking confused, but cooperative
me: proceed
Daniel: [had no idea it was his turn]
me: i just made it your turn
Daniel: defense maintains that a cd is a solid gift, and that combined with a phone call and the preexisting aforementioned successful firstborn, that mom would be pretty happy
me: prosecution agrees to settle with the stipulation that it be put on the record that the defendant was combative and called the the prosecuting counselor "short."
Daniel: defense will stipulate
me: defendant's combative remarks are noted. court rules in favor of the defendant and is now adjourned.