While talking online with my brother at work, I informed him that I was busy writing headlines for the paper's local sections and front page. He then decided, being so clever, to suggest a few headlines of his own that would surely be appropriate for any kind of news happening in Abilene.
Now, I'll share them with you:
"Jew spotted, immediately deported"
"Tomatoes are still yummy, say farmers"
"Kitten climbs tree, everybody panics"
"Gas prices rise; elderly call for cars run on blood of immigrants"
"Local preacher thinks teen girls are 'whory'"
"Frontier, Texas! closes; town remains unmoved"
"Chicken Express linked to meteoric rise in local cholesterol levels; no one cares"
"Anson lights just cars, you idiot"
"HSU freshmen sacrifice goat; 'We always knew this place was weird,' admins say"
"House of Yahweh traps and kills drifters; local officials 'scared s***less', do nothing"
"Computers linked to teen pregnancy (why not?)"
"Kenny Rogers cancels concert; hundreds riot"
"IHOP doubles as brothel; flapjack special 'coolest thing ever', customers say"
"Books feared for their knowledge; punks torch library in revolt"
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1 comment:
*tries to think of whitty comment*
*doubts spelling of whitty*
*goes to bed*
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