ah, the good ole commute

Best editorial I've read in a while. I can do a pretty good imitation of the "Please stand clear of the doors" lady.

A New Tone in Washington

The Washington Post
Thursday, January 5, 2006; Page A14

SO METRO IS canning that nice lady who's been warning us all these years about the closing doors, and replacing her with a sterner voice. In an unusually (for Metro) adept public relations move, the transit system is inviting anyone to submit an audition tape to become the new, more authoritarian Sound of the Subway.

Which is fine, but if they're going to ask us to supply a new tone, can they really dictate the content? Isn't that some kind of violation of our First Amendment rights? We'd like to submit a tape that would go a bit beyond that stale doors-opening, doors-closing routine. We'd be happy to start with the standard, "Please stand clear of the doors." But why not take it a bit further? "Stand clear , we said -- that doesn't mean wiggle a couple of inches away from the door. Move in, for crying out loud. And when people are trying to exit, don't clog the passage, okay? Step out of the train. You can step back in after they've left. We're not going to leave without you.

"And you, big fella -- one seat per customer. You want to sprawl, buy a couch. And that rule about no eating and drinking? It's not optional, and we could do without the applying of makeup, too. No need to yell into your cell phone. And you, young man in Priority Seating -- yes, you -- are you going to pretend you don't see that old lady? All right, then, are we set? Thank you. Doors closing."

Maybe we won't win the audition. But we feel better already.