I bet even Jesus would weep if he read this.

The Arts page for my university newspaper has been hijacked by illiterate hipsters. I know this because of this stunning display of inadequacy (something that is, apparently, supposed to be a review of "Pan's Labyrinth"). Thanks to Facebook, I learned that this contributing "writer" is dating a guy named Tripp, who contributed part two of his enthralling three-part look at the Wii to the same page. They aren't journalism majors, and they aren't staff writers. But they've somehow earned prime real estate on the page too many people who cared too much about movies spent too many hours working to make better. I shouldn't care, but it still makes me want to weep. Weep for humanity, weep for the future, weep for my school. Weep.

So go ahead -- read it. What isn't fun about criticizing sophomore English majors who think "Set in 1944 in the depths of a Spanish forest is Guillermo Del Toro's latest film, Pan's Labyrinth" is a good lede?

My favorite responses from people I sent the article to:

Malinda: "Wow. I was bored two sentences into that. It reads like a research paper for Freshman English."

Dani: "The plot thickens ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That sentence alone should be enough to give Doc (journalism professor) a coronary."

Daniel: "Did you send me that so I would be upset? So I would hate this stupid girl who wrote the review? So her absolutely stunning lack of talent and inability to write a good sentence would worm its way into my mind and render me unable to write on my own? I could go through every sentence of her review and refute it either based on style or her reading of the film. Every. Sentence."

See? It's fun.