Uh, you're old enough to be my dad...

Current listening: "Under the Iron Sea," Keane.
Current reading: "The Time Traveler's Wife," by Audrey Niffenegger
Current watching: "Battlestar Galactica," season one (soon to be followed by season 2.0)

I work with some fairly odd people. A lot of the reporters at the paper are sociable and can form coherent and non-awkward sentences with strangers. But, as a copy editor, I don't really work alongside them. No, I work on the copy desk, which is next to the design desk. Thus, every day, I am forced to work with Creepy Design Guys.

Now, CDGs are pretty common at publications. I mean, how many creative and sociable people are willing to paginate inside pages for a living? Exactly. So, those of us on a career track have to cooperate with older people (in my case, men) who've given up on life. Or really, they don't want to give up on life, but they've found themselves stuck in the rut of working an average job, making below-average wages, yet not mustering up the ambition required to advance. So, they haunt newsrooms across America and annoy the crap out of the rest of us.

The CDG I have to work most closely with has got to be in his 50s or 60s. All he does is design the feature section pages, handling two sections for Sundays, as well as the paper's calendar. That's it. And I have to edit those pages. Let's call him Ned. Unfortunately, Ned is kinda crazy. Like, I-turn-around-at-my-desk-and-see-him-talking-animatedly-to-the-computer-screen crazy. We're afraid one day we're going to find him in a closet, talking to himself in a fetal position, rocking back and forth. Or else he'll just go postal and bring a gun to work. I really hope I'm off that day.

The other CDG, let's call him Joe, is about 42 and lives by himself in my apartment complex. He's short and insecure, and his eyes have the habit of wandering if you catch my drift. He tries to make conversation, but it usually just creeps me out in a Has-he-ever-been-on-America's-Most-Wanted? kind of way. He likes to shoot Styrofoam airplanes at us, or toss us his stress ball, or whatever. But mostly, he pouts when he doesn't get his way and no matter what we're doing, if I turn around and scan my eyes across the newsroom, I'll always meet his eyes. Always.

So, all this to say, pray for me. Pray for all the young people out there who must work with social pariahs who are holding on to our entry-level jobs. Pray for the young go-getters who are attempting to climb the corporate ladder, stepping over one old person at a time.

This is weird...

Watch me walk the graduation stage on YouTube.

I knew it.

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

What's cooler than a Storm Trooper playing bass guitar? Nothing.

Most recent download: "Crazy," by Gnarls Barkley. You should watch the group's performance from the 2006 MTV Movie Awards. Yes, they are dressed as characters from "Star Wars." And yes, they are awesome.

Obama '08

Illinois Senator Barack Obama is my new favorite person. You should read his speech from Sojourers' Call to Renewal conference about religion and politics. It's long, but worth reading regardless. It's excellent, and one of the most intelligent discussions on religion by a politician I've ever read.

OK, this has got to be Photoshopped. This magazine cover is reported to have been taken a week ago, but the scary picture of her being interviewed by Matt Lauer was like three weeks ago. I guess she finally paid for a stylist, but there's no way they didn't airbrush some weight off of her arms, chin and thighs. I am not fooled, Britney. NOT FOOLED.

my life is brilliant.

Hooray for parodies. You should watch these parodies of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful." Weird Al is at it again; a case of mistaken identity; and my favorite, an ode to the cubicle. I relate to those lyrics now all too well.

Oh, how the mighty do fall

This is one of the saddest, yet oddly vindicating, things I've seen in a while. This is Mrs. K-Fed at her recent "Dateline" interview with Matt Lauer. How did she get to this pitiful level of skankiness so quickly? Is it because she's pregnant? If she got worse after pregnancy, what's going to happen to average-looking women once they have kids? Either this doesn't bode well for the rest of us, or it just demonstrates that money can't buy style, or more importantly, class.

As one Washington Post writer wrote: Spears fidgeted, blathered and wept through the interview last week and one couldn't help but gape in amazement at her astonishing aesthetic meltdown. It's hard to recall the last time someone as famous as Spears -- without any accompanying substance-abuse rumors -- appeared so startlingly, slovenly wretched. The pop singer's golden glow of stardom had been dimming, but this was the moment when it dropped below the horizon.

Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Catching up on my morning reading:

The damage done to U.S. honor and prestige around the world, and to America's ability to mobilize support for the fight against Islamic extremism, far outweighed any intelligence gathered.

The point here isn't to go all bleeding-heart over three men who may well have been the type who gleefully slaughter innocents in the name of a warped religiousness. The point is that when our government mocks transparency and tries to conduct this war of ideas in the shadows, away from prying eyes, we defeat ourselves.

And of course, on the subject of the Devil incarnate:

Her toxicity is more about salesmanship than citizenship, more high-decibel attention whoring than true ideology. The problem is, a public that would make Coulter's "Godless: The Church of Liberalism" the top-selling book in the country (it was still holding steady at No. 2 on Amazon.com as of Friday) can't differentiate between the pontificating preacher and the profiteering promoter.

Beelzebub even says so herself, on her Web site:

The establishment's current obsession with me is the mainstream media's last stand. They've deployed the whole lineup of yesterday's power brokers against me, and all they've accomplished is to make my book the No. 1 book in the country. In other words, their efforts to defeat me have just created more people like me. Now who's stuck in an unwinnable quagmire, losers?

I must caution you, though, that visiting her sight could lower your IQ, produce cold sweats and blurred vision, and force you call on all that is holy to make the harsh, hissing sounds in your ears subside. Say 10 Hail Marys, take a shot of tequila, hug someone and watch The Daily Show to redeem yourself.

Prettiest town I've ever seen

(OK, so that movie was set in Abilene, Kansas, but it's still cool).

Top Reasons to live in Abilene, Texas:
20. It's the "Friendly Frontier!"
19. You get to explain to outsiders what the "Big Country" is.
18. We've got more churches per capita than any other U.S. city.
17. You can't go anywhere without seeing someone from ACU, and/or an ACU car decal.
16. The Mall of Abilene now has a Chucky Cheese (with a bar for the disillusioned parents).
15. The college football games are held at the high school football stadium. Convenient.
14. With three universities in town, who needs student movie ticket prices? Not us!
13. The sculptures along N 1st, including a giant cow skull.
12. Hey, David Copperfield came here. That puts us on the map, for sure.
11. The best entertainment in town is provided by a local university's theatre department.
10. For all the creepy bars and clubs located on that sketchy street, Industrial Blvd.
9. Cruising Sayles and S 1st on a Saturday night, using Sonic as the turnaround mark.
8. George Hamilton IV wrote a song about it! (It better not be about Kansas. Kansas sucks.)
7. You can contract syphilis at the Westwood Twin Theatre.
6. We're in a D-level movie market, so if a movie does come here, it will only be at one theatre. Heck, let's just stay home and watch "Let's Make a Deal."
5. Randall "Tex" Cobb was born here and went to ACU, until he was expelled for shooting a flaming arrow off the roof of Mabee Hall.
4. Even more famous people are from here.
3. Downtown shuts down by 8 p.m., and most streetlights start blinking by 10 p.m.ish.
2. The male prostitute, with daisy dukes and knee-high white tube socks, who cruises Sayles and S 1st (It's a popular thing to do).

And, the number one reason to live in Abilene:
1. To work at "a place" that pays you way too much money to sit around and write lists like this on your blog.

This is the scenic downtown view from outside of the office, which is on the right off camera. Ah...the good life.

Single in the City

One month ago, I was a college student, who happened to not have a boyfriend.

Now, I'm 'single.' A young, single adult. Filing my tax returns as a single person, signing up for insurance as a single person, and - what I dread most - attending church as a single person.

Before this morning, I had only attended church by myself one other time. I sat in the back that Sunday morning Freshman year, felt horrible and left immediately after the service concluded. Today was better, though, yet still not pleasant. For some reason, churches - which should be the most inviting and comfortable of places - can make someone feel incredibly isolated. Looking around at all the couples and families, us singletons in the back rows just try to blend into the pews.

But wait - How did I get here? A month ago, I was pulling all-nighters, writing crappy papers and staying up talking with my roommate. Now, I have to call the electric company in the morning, have had conversations with HR reps about 401(k)s and stock options and signed up for Accidental Death & Dismemberment insurance ($100,000 is going to you guys, Dad and Daniel. You're welcome). As only a few weeks shy of that age when the grey starts to show - 22, I probably should hesitate from using the word 'singletons,' a la Bridget Jones. I've got a good 10+ years before I achieve her level of insanity. I promise I won't have cats. I would like Colin Firth, though.

Bible Class afterwards went much better, sitting next to someone who graduated a year ahead of me who's also braving the single yet employed life in Abilene, the Mecca of Western Civilization. Afterwards, I ran into my sophomore year roommate's parents, had a good chat, then continued out the door, to the car, then back home.

I didn't die, so that was good. Tomorrow, I'll head back to the office, working alongside people in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's and probably 60's who are single. I think I picked the wrong profession. Or maybe I attended too many summer camps and disturbing youth retreats in my earlier years, making me think it's now or never to find happiness. They really shouldn't teach that to the impressionable youth of the world. They should tell us that we should take time to have fun, embark on adventures and whatnot. Like moving to Los Angeles. Or to New Zealand. Or better yet: Abilene.

I guess I'll have to reeducate myself.

Thanks, Dr. Mann

How grammatically correct are you? (Revised with answer key)

You are a GRAMMAR GOD!

Congratulations! If your mission in life is not already to preserve the English tongue, it should be. You can smell a grammatical inaccuracy from fifty yards. Your speech is revered by the underlings, though some may blaspheme and call you a snob. They're just jealous. Go out there and change the world.
Take this quiz!








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On the strip the kids get lit so they can have a real good time/Come Sunday they can just take their pick from the crucifix skyline

On my way home from work Saturday, I stopped by the Sonic on N 1st to get a snack. There I sat, in a striped Oxford shirt and hoodie, waiting for my Coke and mozzarella sticks to arrive, and was bewildered by surroundings.

Apparently, the N 1st Sonic on a Saturday night in Abilene, Texas, is a stop on the small-town cruise circuit. Countless cars were circling the building, most filled with teenagers or small-town folk who've given up on life and/or ever leaving A-Town. One girl - let's call her Tiffany - was walking around to various cars (I guess the cruisers aren't strangers), flirting with pimply faced, Hollister-wearing hot shots. Two of them in the truck next to me wanted to get out, but couldn't because they had pulled up too far. So Tiffany, in her mini bluejean shirt, cowboy boots, tank top and no underwear, exerted herself to push the truck backwards so the boys could jump out.

Now, I just wanted my mozzarella sticks. They're so yummy, especially with marinara sauce. So, I wasn't enjoying watching Tiffany run around and wave at people. I also wasn't enjoying the dizzying effect the cars whipping around the building were having on me. Watching the Abilenians at the fast-food place made me self-conscious, though, looking down at the clothes I wore to work and wondering what these people do or will do for a living. Is a career in store for them? Or will they end up working the graveyard shift at Allsups?

The waitress came out and seemed to think that Tiffany pushing the car was funny. I couldn't really speak at this point. I was so confused as to why people were driving around Sonic for the Hell of it on a Saturday night that I just looked at her, took my food and mumbled a thanks. It took a while for me to back out because the heavy stream of cars entering, with their drivers just dying to see who they know at Sonic, wouldn't let up.

I managed to escape and made it home. This is my home, now. Maybe I should have rolled down my window to talk to Tiffany. I could use some more friends. Then again, maybe not.

awesome

An e-mail I received:

(This e-mail is the text of a letter sent to your permanent address on May
19, 2006.)

This letter is to notify you of your placement on Chapel attendance
probation. The paragraphs below will provide you with additional
information about your status at ACU.

Chapel Attendance Probation
Your Chapel record for the spring 2006 semester indicates you did not attain
the required number of attendance credits. Therefore, you have been placed
on Chapel attendance probation for the fall 2006 semester.

If you attain the required number of attendance credits in the fall
semester, your Chapel attendance probation will be completed. However, if
your required Chapel attendance for the fall semester is not met, you will
be placed on Chapel suspension and you will not be allowed to enroll for the
spring 2007 semester.

It is policy that students may only be placed on Chapel attendance probation
twice during their career at ACU. The third failure to attain sufficient
Chapel credits may result in immediate suspension.

Probation Contracts
Since ACU is dedicated to helping students achieve success, we encourage you
to draw up a probation contract with Mike Spell in the Office of Judicial
Affairs for the fall semester. Contact his office at (325) 674-6818 to
schedule an appointment with Mike during the first two weeks of class.

If you do not agree to a probation contract for the fall semester and you
are suspended, it is very unlikely that an appeal for your suspension will
be considered.

Contact Us
For questions regarding the Chapel probation process, please call the Campus
Life office at 325-674-2631 or email shane.hughes@acu.edu.

Sincerely,

Wayne Barnard Ph.D.

Assistant Provost for Student Development
Dean of Campus Life

So Dark the Con of...oh whatever

Without risking any spoilers, I can tell you this much: An underground gnostic sect has spent the last 2,000 years guarding an unspeakable secret, a secret with the power to shake civilization in its very boots. And that secret, against all reason, involves the messiah and Audrey Tautou. ...

But despite its purported iconoclasm, The Da Vinci Code is at heart deeply religious, and monotheistic at that: It wants us to believe that there is one secret truth that can change history, that that truth is knowable, and that only through Tom Hanks can we know it. Our salvation depends on Forrest Gump. Read the rest of the review here.

It's been highly entertaining ready all the scorching reviews of Ron Howard's The Da Vinci Code, which seems to suck because it stays too true to the book. I'm reminded of a post I made almost a year ago when I attempted to read the book (it didn't last long). Dan Brown's writing = bad. Maybe I'll rent this flick one day when I'm bored. Then again, maybe not.

But I’m still having fun and I guess that's the key, I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me.

My family always teases me at my uncanny ability to remember what I and others were wearing on almost any given day, any year ago. Well, really only on days when something important happened, or days when pictures were taken. Sifting through my wardrobe, deciding what to donate and what to take with me into my new life of pseudo-adulthood, I keep stumbling across articles of clothing that take me back years in time. I've found shirts I wore in my high school senior pictures, during Welcome Week and the outfit I wore on my first day of college.

I remember that day because I kept debating whether to wear sunglasses across campus or not. I mean, it was hot and sunny, and it was hard to see things as I made the walk from Nelson Hall to Gibson Health Center for my Personal Wellness or Fitness or whatever those intro classes are called.

The campus had been filled with eager-eyed fish like myself during Welcome Week, along with the occasional upperclassman with a different colored T-shirt telling me where to go. But now - oh man. The campus was a sea of older college kids who looked so much smarter, mature and ready for the world than I did. As I walked past the Bible building and the creepy statue in my pink Old Navy tee, I was freakishly self-conscious about whether I should keep my sunglasses on or not, not to mention doubting my entire identity in general.

I've collected about 50 ACU-related shirts over the past four years. I bought most of them (sorry, Dad), but a few were given to me or were picked up along the way. I don't really need these shirts, 10 of which are purple, so I guess I'll donate them along to someone who does. Maybe some kid will wear an ACU shirt and be motivated to attend the school, thus going on to earn an education and, in turn, change the world. It could happen.

It's weird to think that it was less than four years ago that I looked at people my age with such a sense of awe. Now, I've been spit out of the system that I had once been so excited to enter in to. The whirlwind of finals and all-nighters only led to a lame Graduation Celebration, complete with a laser show, and then Graduation. Now, my roommate is gone and I'm left trying to comprehend the past four years and the notion that I can never have them again. I'm folding up my T-shirts and giving them away.

My current state of confusion is only fitting considering my complete lack of motivation this past semester. Thank God for being able to take classes credit/non-credit, meaning I was aiming for 60s in three of my classes. My other two I actually had to take for a grade, and earned one A and one B (Whatever, Dr. Ash. Whatever.). Oh well. That's over with. Now for the real world?

I'm still packing. Maybe moving out will bring some closure. Probably not, though. Here's to the next years of being a twentysomething with no clue who they are or what they want to do. At least I had a great four years to help delay the inevitable: growing up.

Oh Holy God No

No no no no no no no not another one no no no no no.

Jeb Would Make a 'Great President,' Bush Says

By Bill Brubaker
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, May 11, 2006; Page A06

Coming soon: President Bush III?

The second -- and current -- President Bush suggested yesterday that his younger brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, would make a "great president."

"I would like to see Jeb run at some point in time, but I have no idea if that's his intention or not," Bush said in an interview with Florida reporters, according to a story on the St. Petersburg Times Web site.

If that sounds familiar, the Bush brothers' father, former president George H.W. Bush, made a similar statement last year, telling CNN's Larry King that Jeb Bush would be "awfully good" as president.

"This guy's smart, big and strong. Makes the decisions," the first President Bush said then.

Two brothers have never been elected to serve as U.S. president.

Jeb Bush, 53, who cannot seek reelection after his second term as governor ends in January, has repeatedly said that he will not run for president in 2008, just before his brother leaves the White House.

But that has not stopped at least two fellow Republicans -- his father and his older brother -- from planting the idea.

President Bush said in the interview that he has "pushed" his brother "fairly hard about what he intends to do."

The president said: "I have no idea what he's going to do. I've asked him that question myself. I truly don't think he knows."

In May 2005, King asked the senior Bush if he wanted Jeb Bush to run for president.

"Someday I would, yes," George H.W. Bush said.

"Is the timing wrong now, though?" King asked.

"Yes. The timing's wrong," Bush said. "The main thing is, he doesn't want to do it. Nobody believes that, but . . ."

In yesterday's interview, President Bush said his brother could have a "very bright" political future.

Reality check for 'Dreamz:' film's not funny

April 28, 2006

Stephen Colbert is brilliant.

Monday through Thursday nights on Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report," Colbert takes on the persona of a right wing, in-your-face TV news pundit who'll defend the Bush administration to the death. He's like Bill O'Reilly, only likable.

It's all an act, though, and his shtick only works because his impersonations of the pundits are dead-on, inane outcries about the government and all. He's studied his targets and by taking on their characteristics, he is able to in turn make fun of them by pointing out their flaws through irony, sarcasm and wit. That's the nature of a satire.

American Dreamz wants to be as funny and satirical as an episode of "The Colbert Report" or "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart" but fails miserably. In what could have been an interesting look at pop culture, writer and director Paul Weitz (American Pie, About a Boy, In Good Company) instead overreaches in this silly excuse for a satire that draws more yawns than chuckles.

The film attempts to be an indictment on American society - one that is at war in Iraq, lead by a less-than-smart president with a chief of staff who does all the talking, and in which a popular TV show that finds the next big pop star garners more public interest than current affairs.

Sounds familiar. Still, the film pulls punches left and right and takes easy shots at the president and other Americans that never follow through.

Martin Tweed (Hugh Grant) hosts the phenomenally popular reality show "American Dreamz," a play on "American Idol," and is a cross between the real show's snotty British judge, Simon Cowell, and pretentious host, Ryan Seacrest. Tweed has no morals or integrity and only cares about the bottom line: what will bring in more ratings.

For the next season of "American Dreamz," Tweed scours the country in search of the next poor soul he and his producers can market to America. Playing the blonde, small town girl-next-door is Sally Kendoo (Mandy Moore). Providing the ethnic variety for the show is Omer (Sam Golzari), a trained Iraqi terrorist, with a passion for show tunes, sent to live with relatives in Orange County, Calif.

While Tweed is casting the next season of the show, trouble is brewing in Washington. President Staton (Dennis Quaid), fresh off re-election and an obvious parody of President Bush, has decided to take a break from running the country by closing himself off in his room and reading newspapers and books, items he usually has avoided. His chief of staff (Willem Dafoe), who looks a lot like Vice President Dick Cheney, does the talking for him, and along with the first lady (Marcia Gay Harden), consoles Staton and encourages him to stop reading and get back out in public.

Once members of the press begin questioning the mental stability of the president, the unnamed chief of staff swiftly attempts to save face by scheduling back-to-back public appearances for Staton, including one as a guest judge on the "American Dreamz" finale.

Making Staton have the mental capacity of a third-grader is the easy way out, and here's where Weitz could have learned a trick or two from Colbert. Staton is the version of Bush that some critics assume is the reality, not the persona presented to the American public. Bush has his verbal gaffs and incredulous facial expressions, so why not use those as a starting point for a characterization?

One scene shows Staton describing his belief that he's been appointed by God to his position of power, and another shows the chief of staff telling the White House press core to not ask questions about the president and to remember that, because the country is at war, they should focus on what's really important. These critiques of current trends in our society are not without merit, but they're not fully developed.

Because Weitz doesn't delve into the real problems behind these characters, based on real people, the critiques are barely noted and come across as merely whines from self-proclaimed martyrs. These issues deserve more than the canned presumptions displayed in the film.

The scenes between Staton and his chief of staff fall flat because there's no meat to them. There's a line somewhere between imitating a person and imitating an idea of a person or a caricature of them. It's thin, but it's there. Will Ferrell impersonating Bush on "Saturday Night Live:" funny. President Staton in American Dreamz: not funny.

Moore makes an impressive turn as Sally, proving she's grown past her teen pop days. Too bad this film's humor isn't as biting as another film of Moore's, Saved! It's also unfortunate that Jennifer Coolidge (Best in Show, American Pie, Legally Blonde) wasn't given better material to work with to deliver her usual, hilarious deadpan. Grant's portrayal of Tweed is confusing; we see glimpses of humanity coming from him, or a deeper sense of self-awareness than you'd expect, but they're few and far between.

In American Dreamz, Weitz apparently wants to comment on the state of American society and our preference to choose our own reality - believe what we want to believe - rather than accept the reality that's been dealt to us. He's got a point, but it's lost amid the fruitless noise coming from the underdeveloped and stereotypical characters' mouths.

His previous films, mainly About a Boy, have had a certain charm and wit to them that American Dreamz lacks. The only thing I left the theatre with was a bitter taste in my mouth and a shared sense of his disillusionment.

Toward the end of the film, one of the characters says that Americans can't be held responsible for the actions of their country, which was surprising to hear. Perhaps Weitz forgot to take his own advice and did what he is criticizing others for: he created his own version of reality.

American society deserves its share of criticism, as does the current administration, but American Dreamz doesn't cut it.

Pieter Bruegel, "The Parable of the Blind Leading the Blind"

My friend and I thought this painting would look great on the back of a Students' Association shirt. We'd have the SA logo on the front, then Bruegel's piece on the back. No description necessary. We could probably sell them to the rest of the student body and use the revenue on something they want instead of on, you know, office supplies and executive officer scholarships. (I still love you, Mr. Scott).